Our Open-Minds, Your Surprise?  

Posted by H in , , ,

This is mainly in response to Natalie 's comment on my "Our Good-Byes" post, but also just to clarify some things and give my touch on these matters...

Natalie commented:

wow. thats just nuts to me that you let your girl leave with some guy you dont even know...AND she tells u she likes his company and his sex....

I just cant grasp that. I hope you are not harboring feelings of unworthiness. Bc that would def make me feel not good enough for her.

Why is money so important to her that she would leave her "love" to go be with anothe guy for a WHOLE MONTH and maybe LONGER??

I couldnt leave my babe for longer than a week without freaking out lol
I think we just are different, you and me. I don't impose judgment on anyone, and I don't think one approach is "better" than the other, or that there's only one right answer to this.

For starters, I am a polygamous person. Or I used to be, and even if I'm not anymore, it's because I have no need for it and because I've found my peace with it, and am happy with the current state of my life. But I still understand and recognize the concept, and I don't have a problem with G. being polygamous herself.

Then, you'll tell me that this is not, in the strict sense, polygamy. She's not living with her clients, and is not romantically involved with them. She's still attracted to some of them though.

Anyway, I am just not a jealous person. I wouldn't like to discover one day that G. cheated on me with someone though. But "cheating" here means screwing someone and not telling me. If she comes up to me while we're out in a bar and tells me she's got the hots for that guy or girl over there and thinks she could be interested in following her instincts, I don't really have anything against it (and neither would she, in general).
Or if I'm not around and that happens but I get "the talk" the next morning or a few days later about what happened, it's fine with me. It's a matter of honesty and trust.

It is mainly just sex after all. Like I said, that would just be her following her instincts, her needs, her desires of an instant. It doesn't mean she would have with these sexual partners the kind of connection. And if she were to start developing that sort of connection with them, then what is there to be afraid of? To be replaced? Maybe. For me. But on the other hand, aren't we supposed to all try to find the person(s) who fit and suit us the most? That's what we're all looking for, and I cannot imagine standing in the way.

All words, and easy words to say when it's not happening though. But right now that's my situation and point of view.

And when she's out with clients, I tend to see it the same way. The financial aspect of the transaction doesn't pose a problem to me. It is a transaction, and it is in some weird way at least more honest and straightforward than what you find in the clubbing/partying/dating scenes.
I don't think of it as something horrible for this reason. It is because she doesn't like doing it, and because it fcks with her brain because she cannot detach herself completely and has a hard time living a double life.

But in some cases, it's not that much of a problem. And with this client, though she's not really attracted to him, she is not scared by that duality. It doesn't mess up with her (as far as I know), and if it's OK with her, it's OK with me.

Rest assured, she wouldn't have gone on such a trip with any client. She has to have some kind of compatibility with the person. Whatever the price, she wouldn't go for the first time for such a long time with a stranger, no matter what the guarantees. She requires to have some kind of professional history with the client before, and if she doesn't, she requests to meet him beforehand a few times.

In regards to your question about what makes money so important for her that she'd leave me for a month...
Many different aspects to this answer. We share common goals, which require some basic wealth. Some of my goals are her own success in her (real) career and happiness in life, and these two things require some money.
Third, like all girls in this business, money's a drug. Sex is drug. Luxury and attentions are too. So are all the other aspects of this life, even the ones that make you look down on yourself.

I guess you could say G. is the type of person who's gone through so much in her life that, no matter what you'd say and what would happen, she'd keep looking at the world with such a negative view (when she needs to, that is), because she wants to hate the world. She wants the world to be bad to have this reason to hate it. Because it's soooo much simpler than to think you were just unlucky, or that life was unfair with you, and just accept it, and move on.

Like I said earlier: pride is the worst sin of all. But wrath is a close second, they can eat you alive from the inside, and nurture themselves in closed circuit. If you don't find the shutdown button, it'll break you down.

And I guess, though she's made huge progress to deal with both of them on an "instant karma" level (by starting to be capable to control them in arguments and situations and to realize she has to start turning the page and not letting herself go completely bezerk on tiny things that happen everyday), she still has deep-down a close relationship to both of them.

G. and I both have a double duality. We both are a strange kind of schizophrenic individuals, oscillating between the things we believe in and the things we want to believe in (consciously or not), swimming in the Cocytus flowing between the shores of our ethics and principles on the one hand, and the ones of our goals and interactions with the (harsh) reality. And Then this duality reaches another level as we complement each other.

Like I said at the beginning of this post: maybe there's no right answer. Well I'm sure there's at least one. That one works for me, it doesn't mean it's universal. Maybe it's just not possible to find a solution for everybody in this equation.

On a lighter note... like Natalie says in her comment, "that's just nuts to [her]". It's something she thinks she could not deal with it. So far, I can, and don't see any change in that attitude any time soon. I'd like to change other people's attitude about it though, because my view seems better (obviously. I can be an hypocrite, just like that :). After all, if the situation doesn't stress me, and it does concern other people, then either I'm an idiot (but idiots die happy and clueless), or you'll be the ones dying of an ulcer. Maybe that's another good approach to changing people's view on prostitution. It's twisted and capitalistically oriented. They'll love it.

And about freaking out while she's gone... don't worry, she does, and so do I. But that's not specific to escorts. "Normal" couples do that too when they're apart, right? Or is that only something I want to believe in again?


I have to say that I agree with Natalie. I love my boyfriend to death and I hate being away from him for even a day. My day is so much better when I get to wake up next to him. Yes I am a dancer and other guys see me naked and get turned on, but actual SEX is totally different and special. I wouldn't be able to have sex with another guy with a clear conscience for any amount of money. And if some rich old lady offered him a bunch of money to sleep with her, there is no way I would be able to handle it mentally. Congrats to you for being able to handle it so well. I know I would be mentally fucked if I were in your shoes.

I agree with Single Girl.

I would be very mentally confused and unstable if i were in your shoes.

BUT I can understand and I am very intruiged! You are an incredible writer! I see that this is just your norm and they way the two of you live your lives. You seem to be very much in love and close with one another...so good!

I will never fully be able to grasp the fact that you are OK with her giving her body to another because its "just sex" though. Maybe because for me sex is not just my body. It is my body and my SOUL. so....ya...

I love your blog!! I feel like I want to know more about the other "worlds" of the sex industry and you enlighten me :) So thank you!

Thank you both for your interest and comments.

I actually do want to know more about various aspects of the sex industry myself and that's why I enjoy being in touch with other people involved in the business.

@Single Girl in Sin City:
I would be able to guarantee that G. has a clear conscience about it. I used to think she did, but overtime I've learned that there's a huge difference between the appearances and her real feelings with her, even when it comes to our relationship.
She has had problems to handle it mentally from her point of view. And if roles were reversed, she would also probably not be able to handle it, from what she told me (however, she wouldn't really mind me seeing another girl privately. But she would have a hard time with me doing her job.)

thanks a lot for the kind words:)
I don't really believe in the concept of soul (I don't believe in an extra-embodiment of the soul or as an entity on the spiritual level; rather I just qualify as "soul" the core feelings and convictions that define an individual), but I understand what you mean in this sense.

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