My Guide to Dating an Escort (An Introduction)  

Posted by H in ,

After all I started this blog to write about this...

I wanted to share my experience for various reasons. Hell, present tense, I still want to.
So I want to share my experience, views, opinions and feelings about my situation. Our situation. How it is to be dating an escort. What you have to deal with on a day to day basis on various levels. As outlined in previous posts, there are different key points to this, because of the nature of job, and because of what it does to your relationship. It's not like the job does not have any impact whatsoever on your life. It is part of your life, of the decisions you take as a couple. You deal with jealousy, with fear of STDs, with money, with your own projection. You re-evaluate your self-respect, your vision of your significant other, and your environment.

Or you don't do all this, and you just let it go and see how it goes. That can work too.

The point is, I want to get people's opinions and feelings on this too. There is no such things as "Dating Escorts for Dummies". But it's not like there's absolutely no material either: there are thousands of people, dealing with these issues, from one side of the mirror or the other. And keeping it for themselves. Quiet and secret. As the French say: "pour vivre heureux, vivons caches". Yes, but on the other hand, having your head stuck in the sand is not always a very good defense mechanism (for one thing, you've got your bottom defenseless up there!) And while I pretty much dislike the idea of people getting more nerdy and wimpy online, using blogs as pseudo-technologically-reduced proxies for psychiatrists, and pouring their heart out without thinking twice about consequences for their own self-perception, I do think the internet is an incredible place to research material and produce a gigantic mass of free information for everyone to share. With care. That's the key. With a lot of care. People don't seem to realize (or they seem accept it as a necessary step or as an inevitable consequence of the modern age) that our modern culture, by taking down fences and walls protecting private spheres and letting the thin membrane between the individual and the crowd merge together, has possibly created as many emerging problems as it has solved.

Yes, I can see the glass-half-full point of view, and yes I think it is a logical evolution. Similarly, yes we spread diseases and have created a wonderfully chaotic eco-systems for virus to spread with our modern capitalist culture and our free trade regulations, reducing the bio-diversity of crops and cattle herds. This is a very bad idea and a very good proof of very poor and narrow-minded management, but on the other hand a difficult thing to avoid, which found its roots in good intentions: nurturing more people, producing more goods (and bad intentions: just making more money. Or at least for some people). That's a simplistic summary, but it serves its purpose here.

When it comes to mental stability, people used to deal with their problems on their own, possibly sharing some secrets with their partners, other with their relatives, and the rest with friends and co-workers. It's just as in modern social networks, you just define your circles of trust and the levels of information sharing (plus some human elements of failure and mis-judgment). Then we entered the era of the psychological being. Because we developed our civilization and interests for the man, and by detaching ourselves from religion (whether you are religious or not, the thing is religious entities did not really see medical research from a good eye for a long time, especially when it came to problems of the mind or spirit), we started researching what made us tick, and how. And we eventually came to consider it natural to confess our demons to, if not priests and journals, at least psychiatrists.

Blogs are not the new-thing-in-town. People wrote journals for centuries. In their own minds, in stories, in legends, engraved on tombstones or written on paper. But public ones generally were more restrained. More controlled. Self-censored. The internet opened a fantastic gateway to information sharing, and suddenly everyone on the web can become your personal therapist. It's just great: it's free, it's distributed, and hey, two minds are more efficient than one, so what about a few millions? Looks good on paper. Except for two major problems.

The first thing is, circles of trust are exactly that: circles of trust, that you define yourself. Would you go around and pour your heart out to your butcher in the new city you move in last month? Just like that. Without knowing the guy? Who knows what *he* has in his closets? I didn't think so... Basically, everyone on internet should be treated as a stranger, like you would do on a street. Be courteous, helpful, but slightly defiant. These people didn't earn your trust, so don't give it away for free. Because it is just much more valuable than that. It's priceless. And despite the confusing etymology, priceless doesn't mean that the price tag doesn't exist. Trust is a big problem here for various reasons. Because you share secrets. Because they can redistribute them, distort them, amplify them. Because they can forge fake secrets for you. Hey, you trusted them, others do, so basically they would trust what they say on your behalf. It's only natural, we all believe what our mummies and BFF told us without questioning them that much, don't we? The second issue with trust is expertise. How much do you trust these people, not only in regards privacy, but also about their level of expertise in the field you seek them out for? Do you see a degree on the wall? And if you see one, where does it come from? Do you check the unique identification number on it? Trust is tricky. Forging identities is not at all.

The second thing is this: what do you do to yourself when you go around talking about yourself? When someone does something bad, what do they do? They go around and look for support. Yes. They want people to tell them "nawww, you're right, I'd have done the same. F*ck it." Now that's handy: hey, statistically, you'll find a jack somewhere online to agree with you, no matter how dumb that thing you did or said could have been (and trust surfaces again: who says he or she agrees truthfully? People like to mock and joke around.) People used to have issues back then too. They just kept them for themselves. Of course sometimes you just can't keep it together anymore, and you need help to see it through and swim to the surface and take a good breath of fresh air, and avoid death by drowning. That's why overall, having *expert* people around is a good thing. For specific cases. Not to nourish your paranoia. Microsoft Research came up with a new name for this recently: >Cyberchondria. Come on, admit it. When you discovered a tiny new lump somewhere on your body, or had that recurring migraine come back, you checked it out online. And you saw the worst case scenarios and you lined up for breast-cancer screenings, full-body scans, or at least a normal GP appointment, and then you bugged him and asked him to be really careful with the examination. But, sometimes it's good. It works, and the mighty Internet gods helped you to diagnose your problems decently. Though rest assured internet is best used to diagnose flus and your cookie recipes than to identify lethal brain tumors. But still, sometimes it works. And you come across that person, that single individual, who was in the same case as you are now, and that guy can give you *the* advice, almost the perfect one, or a lest the preventive one. Or the one you want to hear. If you find one search result telling you things are looking pretty darn bad, you acknowledge the fact. If you find one good result saying you'll be fine, oooh, danger, maybe you should keep looking another 5 minutes, shouldn't you? Cyberchondria is evil and sneaky.
Furthermore, when you do seek expertise all too easily, you stop learning how to cope. You find that virtual shoulder to cry on, and you think it makes things better. Of course the shoulder will still be here tomorrow if you need it (Or at least your better hope so. That's already something to have *Hope*), and things might turn around, but it doesn't seem the sitting duck tactic is the best approach to problem-solving. Not dealing with your problems is just that: not dealing. It doesn't fix anything, it doesn't make it better. It doesn't make it worse either, which is great. That's a precautionous approach to risk management, but not the most optimized one. There's a huge difference between seeking advice and reporting all the tiny necrosis of your life on a public log and looking out for people lurking at it, the vultures and the parasites as well as the compassionate souls. One is proactive; the other one is just passive, endangering, aggravating.

There are areas where expertise is as sparse online as in real life. You would not have told your priest you are a prostitute (well, in the antiquity, you might have, actually. Those were the days, good old times, and so on... Geez, these Greeks were open-minded folks. Well, for some things, at least...), you wouldn't have told your family and friends, and not your doctor either. And definitely not the butcher or the village idiot. And now, even online, you can tell, much you still face a lot of problems. Anonymity pushes you to the trenches, and there's still that trust problem. Ah yes, the trust issue is still there. Can you take the advice of all these people online, and go out on an out-call just like that and tell yourself it will go according to plan, and escorting is a fun business, my dear, we all do it, after all, and we survive and like it, and so will you. Or can you trust all the ones telling you it's a sin, it's dangerous, it's sleazy, and there just cannot be any decent agency and any pleasure in doing this. Plus, you'll burn in Hell (ah yes, that one has been around for a few centuries now. See, we have trust issues. We are a bit blind-sided by nature... or a few centuries of - bad - education and obscurantism).

So I want to share thoughts, opinions, and feelings - Yes, we're back to that, thanks for sticking around for so long by the way - and write about *my* experiences, learn about *yours*, and eventually come to reach a decent level of knowledge about the topic. And as I can see so far, there's is a lot of content around here for sex-workers, especially on how to go daily about their job. How to keep themselves safe, find clients, have good reviews, be a good provider, screen bad johns, be the slut-that-guy-dreams-of or the sweet-girl-that-other-guy-fantasizes-about. There are topics on the dangers of the job, on its pros and cons, its addictions and their impacts on your life. But I also always come across that same topic all over again: relationships. Man, that's a tough one, isn't it? That's the real deal, after all. It's always hard in a stereotypical, "normal" situation, so there was not a chance in Hell it would be easier if you're an escort or dating one. And you will find a sh*t-load of accounts of failed and successful relationships online. Which you can or cannot trust. Which are either overly optimistic or pessimistic. Some will tell you it will happen at some point, but hey, you'll have to wait for that one. Not coming? Well, wait some more. Have faith (BAM! You just got it by the trust-bus again. Careful there, you might end up in Hell, remember?). Or just give it up: you'll never find it, you're doomed, you picked that career or were forced into it, and you'll end up alone and die in shame. Woohoo, enjoy, have a nice day.

There's something missing here. Obviously, being a virtual being myself, as all of you readers, the trust issue will be a tough one to address. Let's be honest, we can't even address it completely. But we can give it a shot, and I do want to try. Because it's just painful to see all of you out there suffering, in silence, behind your smiles. The ones you keep up for your clients so that they don't see the dark side of the moon, because you're selling dreams, remember? So smile, and take it like a (wo)man. The ones you keep up for your family, whether you came out to them or not, because you sell them another kind of dream: the dream of happiness, of success. Yours, and theirs, as they as bound to you, by flesh and blood, or just by legal or moral associations. And finally the ones you keep up for yourself, for your own motivation, to not give up. But still behind the smile, in your head, there's something going on, and ticking, and two more or less unconscious voices going off at each other. And you ache, and you still look for something. And that is just painful to live for me already, and I think I have come to realize now that is it even more painful to watch this show unroll itself on the online stage, in your distant and remote lives, so far from G.'s and mine, and yet so close.

That's why I'll write this guide. This weblog in itself was supposed to serve as a guide, as a reference material maybe for other persons feeling the same, but maybe there's more to do than just that. And I don't have the pretentious to have an encyclopedic knowledge of the topic, but at least I can try to gather expert knowledge on it. On the partner's side, and on the worker's side. And I hope some of you will help me with it.

I don't know yet how this guide will be organized and formatted. It will remain published as a journal, and I will try to address the topics I can think of and we'll see how it goes. I'll probably also publish it in a more standard form, for a guide. I don't think that would do well on a Wikipedia entry though, but a Wikibook or a Knol might do. Or just a normal page, organizing the mess of all the posts to come. That should be a long work, but I'm excited about it (as you can see by the length of this introduction). Because I think it's necessary and it's a sad state of affairs that there's not that much support online, whereas in so many other fields you would find whatever suits you.

I hope you'll like "My Guide to Dating an Escort". My Dating an Escort for Dummies, My What to Expect When You're Escorting.



Great reading, I'm also dating an escort, have never come across any blogs/threads like this before.

I've felt like being an escorts boyfriend would put me in the minority.

Hey mondon,

thanks, as you can see you are not the only one. But I guess that's probably still a minority, if you consider the male population...

Hi there,
I have a blog here myself about how to become an escort and what to expect. But the one thing I haven't written about is what happens when we working girls fall in love. I have recently started a relationship with a man who I met through work. He was my client and things simply developed from there. I have really fallen for him but can't stop doing what I do for a living as I really need the money and let's face it, it's a pretty easy way to make a living. However, I no longer connect on any kind of emotional level with anyone I have as a client and just see it as work-that's all it is. So, to all you out there who are dating girls like me, the jealousy may be killing you, there may be obstacles- secrets you have to keep from others, STDs, money etc. but at the end of the day it's like any other job-if you're smart you leave it at the door before you come home.So if you love her be patient and try to figure a way out together, not on the net with other guys instead.

Hi Daria,

The girl who I was dating and I are no longer together...It's been such an nasty split, I simply couldnt handle it, which makes me feel really really weak. She always said it was just for the money, and it was just a job etc... secretly I loved her doing her job, yet never told her.

However she left me for a guy alot younger than me, I dont think he's a client.

We were together for 18 months and havent spoken in a month, I know she's still working, and has started to offer bareback, it just seems that she's getting lower and lower and just see's offereing bareback as a way to make extra money but ignoring all the risks.

Sorry to go on...I so want to speak to her, but when we last saw each other it turned into an utter mess, a row, me being drunk and saying things i really didnt mean.

I dont know what im saying really, just had to get this off my chest.

I do know something though...I'll never ever take her back. We've hurt each other terribly, and too much damage has been done, by the pair of us.

One day, maybe we'll be friends again, who knows what the future holds.

Hi Mondon,
sorry If I judged you too quickly, I have recently found myself in a nasty situation as well, but my advice is to try and talk to her again- don't take her back if u can't but it may be better for your peace of mind to resolve stuff that are still bothering you? Again, sorry I jumped the gun on dismissing this blog, will be sending the address to my boyfriend first thing now that I have read it carefully- both sides must know what they're in for.

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Hi there,

I'm not going to speak to her whilst she's dating another guy. If she gets in touch with me then we could maybe speak then at some point.

What is your nasty situation, if you dont mind me asking?

Thanks for posting. I'll be sure to check out your blog really soon.

It seems you originally slightly misunderstood the purpose of this blog. I am not here to provide therapy to anyone nor to even go about doing my own psychoanalysis: my relationship is, as far as I know and am concerned, healthy, stable and strong. I cannot promise it will be forever, but I don't think there are that many people who can, jobs-categories aside.

I agree with you: this is just a job. However, not everybody can accept it so easily, and by that I mean both the people in the life of an escort or even the escort herself. I think way too many people, outside or even inside this business, do the mistake of thinking they know how you think or feel, and why you are in this industry. There are different aspects for different persons, and that's mostly why I write here. My reasons might not be good for everybody. They are for me, and for some others. In that sense, I am pretty sure this blog and others (maybe yours?) are complementary, as they provide different points of views.

If your boyfriend reads this, I'd be glad to hear how things are going on his side of the mirror.

Sorry to hear about you breaking up with your girlfriend. The thing is, this kind of breaking usually tends to be ugly: it's easy to get started and loose control and say things you wouldn't want to say.

I think I can understand what you say with not ever being able to take her back, and that too much damage has been done and stuff is beyond repair. There are things in life and words that are hard to overcome and see past.

I know that when I started dating G., for instance, one thing I promised myself would be to absolutely NEVER use her job in any way to get back at her for anything. Be it if we have a nasty break up or even if we have a simple fight and I just want to throw angry stings at her on that basis. It is just too easy and mean (though some of these words may be true, which makes them all the more powerful and petty to be thrown in someone's face).

But hey, what do you know, it's hard... I came close to slipping a few times when we argued over things. Not necessarily always an easy promise to hold, especially when she sometimes doesn't hold back and doesn't hesitate to throw things at you herself.
I know for sure that I'd never used it in a way that would get her to get hurt publicly or humiliated, as she trusted me with this secret and finding the strength and confidence to let someone in on this is not an easy thing (though of course, it is her responsibility to trust someone with that and get burn. and that's what happens most of the time and what happened to her before and countless other girls, and I won't let it be that way with me).

I'd still advise you to try to talk back to her, even if it's a one-sided conversation. Apologize, call or send a message if she doesn't answer. Something that shows that though you might still be hurt and angry yourself, and that even if you cannot understand her job or accept it yourself, you understand her reasons to do it and support her.

I came very close to breaking up with G. for good a few years back. We had a fight and for once, as she said "it's over" (Happens every month, you get used to it :) it used to be her way of dealing with people. It sticks...) I just sat back and thought "why not?". I loved her, but that was getting way too hard to help her as a committed boyfriend. Sometimes it's easier to help a good friend snap out of a crappy situation and state of mind than someone you are involved with. I thought that was going to be the way should go, I'd take the fall on that one, though I thought it sucked because I had never felt better with anyone else. I thought I'd eventually get better, and that I'd be able to help her more to deal with her life and problems from a more detached point of view. She'd have someone who knows and she'd be able to trust, but who wouldn't be in a position to hurt her.

Eventually, a few days later we were back together and have been ever since (except for the monthly fight to deplete our batteries:)), but I still have this moment in time in mind. I am sure that would have been a good decision, if things had not gotten fixed up.

Though it comes with another share of problems later... what if when you start dating someone else next, he or she realizes you used to be involved with someone pertaining to the sex-industry? and then he or she realizes you are still in touch? That opens a big door for problems and insecurities, and you're in for another herd of fights and quarrels, I guess.

Hope things will improve or you.

H.. Thank you for taking the time to reply.
I would love nothing more than to pick up the phone and speak to her (I'll call her 'k'). The thing is its now been about 2 months since we last saw each other, or spoke, and back then things did turn ugly as you rightly mentioned, to the stage where I'm not allowed to contact K.

The girl, k, is, as I would say, a keeper! I don't know if its all lovey nonsence that we always thought the same/said the same things/finished each others sentences etc. K should know beyond a shadow of a doubt how I feel about her even after so long of not seeing each other. I've not had a job for the majority of time we were together, and since splitting up have found work and I'm also in the process of starting my own company.

So as it stands, we have both said and done some hurtful things, from my point, words that I truly regret.

I hope that k may read this and get in touch with me.

To finish, I love the girl more than you can imagine and hope one day we can sort things out.

On the other hand, if I've lost her for good, wherever she is, I hope she's safe and happy.

Thank you for reading.


hi all, i'm new to this blog and actually came across it looking for some tips/advice on google about dating an escort. i've seen her four times now and am falling for her. i care about her, i like her a lot and yes i know, her job is sleeping with other men but i just can't stop thinking about her. i am afraid to tell her this, even more afraid to tell her that i like her and would like to date her. can someone please tell me what i can do? do i tell her how i feel about her? or do i just continue seeing her as i have been?

Considering your intentions, I would say talk to her and tell her how you feel. However you have to know that most escorts won't date her client and feel strongly about this, exactly for this reason: it's *messy*.

You know what she does, so it means you will be able to use this information in anyway you want. And obviously if you start dating her, you will at some point learn enough about her to hurt ever *extremely* bad. So if the girl has some sense of self-preservation, she might not turn you down in flames but stop seeing you altogether, both for her sake and also for yours, as she might think you're better off looking for someone else than to live for someone who was only a "dream" for you so far.

That being said... maybe she likes you too and you could both take a shot at it. It's not easy.
Definitely not easy for her for so many reasons. Like I said, for self-preservation and privacy, but also on an emotional level. G. had a really hard time at the beginning because she cannot really separate her job from her life, so she felt horrible to think of me during her job, and the other way around to feel sometimes sexually aroused coming back from her job to me.

It's also not easy for you: if you are a jealous person, let it go. It'll just eat you alive. If you're not (like me, or at least you have some sense of what is her job and what is OK and what is not) then fine. And you might also at some point have arguments with her (just the "normal" couple stuff, you know), and have to resist some urges to say things she a) doesn't deserve and aren't the truth b) you'll regret c) might hurt her more coming from you than from anyone else ever.

It's tricky man. Very tricky.
I'd say go for it, because I can understand you. But on the other hand, if I had to give advice to an escort coming to this very thread and asking me "hey, a client wants to date me, what should I do?", I would feel like advising her to turn you down... see the irony? I'm a big believer though, and think she *should* give it a try and it could be wonderful, but I'm also way too aware of the pain an ex-boyfriend can inflict to an (ex- or current) escort, and I have a tendency to preach the security.

Telling her your feelings won't get your hurt, from the point of view of your life's stability (worst case scenario, people you know learn about it, so what? You had a crush on a girl. Either you didn't know what she was into, or OK, you knew, but people will eventually not care about that). Accepting you to be with her can simply destroy her life. As simple as that.

You can out her, you can destroy her career for ever, but also her relationship with her friends and relatives if they don't know what she does. It's even worse now with the internet. You could move to another city, start over, but people can put stuff online anytime.

I mean, come to think of it, I have so much of G.'s professional stuff on my computers that if I were bad (or if someone stole them and a cryptographic genius to recover them) I could just start a blog about her, with pictures of her photoshoots that she used on escort boards and in agencies or stuff like that, send them to her friends, and other workplaces. Hell, depending on the country you are, you can turn her in!

Soooo... well, it's really up to you. It's the sort of question nobody can answers for you. You can take the high road and turn your back and go away. No one gets hurt. Or you can jump into something really messy, but hey, if it works out, it would have been worth it.

I consider the things you do in your life, no matter what the outcome, are the stuff that make and mold you. There's no reason to look at things with regrets/remorses and wish things had gone another way. But I guess that's easy to say if you're the one ending a relationship. Not so easy if you're the one being out-ted by an ex for all to see.

(continued in next comment)

@rfc11: (continued)
Another possibility... You can keep seeing her professionally, and see how things go for a little while, and start talking to her eventually. Hey I mean, I don't even know what you do with her: are you only fucking with her and are you two really talking and having fun and all? Though it's all relative, because having you have a good time is her job and she might be doing it well; but still, you might be able to see if she really has a good time.

I'd say maybe try to see her once more to see how you feel and she feels without jumping in the deep-end of the pool, and then the next time talk to her and cross your fingers.

That's a useless answer, but it's kind of a catch-22.

All the best, and whatever happens, please let us know, because I really hope it works out. And if it doesn't, well, it may not mean my advice sucked (well, maybe... sorry in advance) but simply that the right thing to know and do is to steer away.



@ H

I just read your reply, give me a day or two to respond back. I'm way too tired to even think right now. Thank you for your advice and I promise to reply back ASAP! Take care my Friend.


Hey there, sorry for the late reply. After reading what you typed to me, it was a wake up call. I needed that, thank you. I can clearly see where you are coming from and what you mean, I do thank you for that.

Deep down inside, I still have feelings for her. I'm not going to tell her how I feel because I don't think that would be a good idea. I strongly believe I should just continue seeing her professionally and take it from there.

Meaning, when I am with her, engage in a nice conversation about our lives, and just talk with her like a normal human being. When I am with her, we do have sex of course, but we talk and spend time with each other in the room. It's not like I walk in, fuck her and then leave, no it's not like that.

I've been emailing her since the last time I saw her. I don't email her everyday. I email her once every few days when she does reply. When she doesn't reply, I'll wait around a week and then start fresh with a new email and go from there. I don't want to call her because I know the number that I have is the one she uses to see other guys. I have her on my myspace, facebook and twitter, so we can also talk via those sites as well.

I would love to tell her how I feel but I'm actually afraid to. I don't want to ruin anything I already have with her now. If I do mention anything, I would only ask her to hang out outside of meeting her like this, maybe to grab some coffee and hang out or go do something fun while she's in the area. On her myspace site, she says she is still looking for the right guy but really doesn't have time for a relationship now. She even told me in person, she is enjoying what she is doing now because she is still young and single.

I guess it wouldn't hurt for me to ask her to hang out sometime. I wouldn't tell her how I feel just yet. She knows that she can trust me, I'm a good guy, not a creep or asshole. She's knows that. Even if we did manage to start something together, she knows she can trust me. It's just a matter of me being able to cope with what she does for a living.

What I am trying to say, my gut instinct is saying this girl needs the right guy by her side, I feel that I can be that guy, I can see the look in her face and eyes when she talks to me, I can see that she is having fun and enjoying life but something is missing in her life. I care about someone that I hardly know.

Going back to what you said, she is good at her job. And that is to make guys feel good. I see past that. I know she likes me, I was the one who took control and made her feel good last time. But anyways, only time will tell.

I guess I have to wait until the next time I see her and see if she is willing to hang out for a little bit and go from there.

Thanks for letting me talk on here.


I'm glad you found my advice helpful.

Id I may, I'd suggest you integrate the "hanging-out" part as part of some of your sessions with her sometimes, to take it very slowly.

The one thing I'm concerned about (for you, if you're honest. like I said I'm quite concerned about her as well for different reasons) is this, when you say " she knows she can trust me. It's just a matter of me being able to cope with what she does for a living. "

The thing is, she doesn't know she can trust you, and she probably knows she souldn't trust you, at the risk of missing out on something great. That's for her own safety.

But I totally agree with what you say next, about her missing something and someone by her side. It's been amazing for G. to have me to be able to talk about her job when she's feeling down. But like you said: you'll have to cope with it. And it's not always easy. I'm not jealous, but it obviously still sometimes moves me in a wrong way when she talks about her job. Mostly because I feel bad for her, and sometimes because I can picture from her stories very vividly what happens. And it's OK when it's a normal sessions. It's just sex. It's a bit different when it's an ass not respecting her. And maybe it will be a bit less OK too when she'll tell you maybe about a client she liked or that she had fun with some guy. All that is up to you.

And no need to thank me for letting you talk (I mean, it's a comment system, and I obviously welcome them, so... feel free:). Actually, I thank you for sharing with us here. I am interested in all portions of the spectrum, and the perspectives of all parties: sex-workers, clients, friends, relatives, lovers...

Plus, it would be great to know that someone is in a similar situation to mine :) I do wish you that, and I even praise your qualities in that you can see past such things (hoping that these qualities are good... sometimes I come to question myself and wonder if by condemning this industry and letting her work, I don't contribute to making things worse. Maybe.)

What is sure is that if you ever use her job against her, I won't have an ounce of respect for you left.

@ H:

My Friend, I can assure you, I will never do such a thing. I will never use her job against her. You have my word. It's hard to understand just by reading what I am typing to you, but it's the truth. No matter what happens, I will never use her job against her, period!

I agree, hanging out with her when I am with her, I get it and understand. Take it slow and go from there. It just makes me so sad, I wish I can call her right now and say hey, let's go meet up for some coffee or go see a movie. But, I can't because I'm not at that level yet. I'm trying to be at that level, just not sure how to yet.

I just checked this other agency site and it has her listed on there visiting two different cities next week and the week after. That kinda made me feel a little down because I was looking forward to seeing her again. She did email me a few weeks ago, told me she "might" be back in my area around the time she is now going to another city, which is ok. I can understand she is a working girl and needs to make some cash. I respect that. I haven't contacted her about that and I won't. I'll just wait until she pop up where I am again and go from there.

At least she lives two hours from me. That's not bad. So if anything were to happen, good I mean, she is only two hours away and we can still hang out, not as much but you know what I mean?

I don't know what it is about her, making me feel the way I do towards her. It's an amazing feeling and honestly, I've never felt this way before with any other girls that I have dated or had feelings for. I can't really describe it, it's a weird but good feeling. I get all warm in the inside, anyway, not going to bore you with that ha ha.

So, G and yourself really like each other? I am so happy for you and her. What's it like when the two of you are together? Forget about what she does for a living. Do the both of you actually have time to sit down and talk? Go out? Do your Friends know about her? Do her Friends know about what she does? Just curious.

Write back when you can bro, take care.

2 hours seems OK, yeah, definitely. At least for the time being :)
It's not like time seems to be the biggest obstacle here! (I'm half-joking, but I really never really saw a few hours as an issue to date someone. Well, G. on the other end would have ditched me in a heartbeat at the beginning if I had been living more than one station away. Which I was, but she didn't know... anyway...)

I am quite happy to read how you feel about her. It might sound stupid, but it's the sort of thing that make me happy. Like seeing two very good friends hang out. The sort of things that just looks right and you wish for the world.
On the other hand, a part of me thought "What the hell is he on??!" when you wrote "I get all warm in the inside", because I would never have thought to read that sentence in a context that wouldn't be overly sarcastic. :D Or from a Disney movie, maybe (and I like Disney movies).
But that's me. I do think it's great.

About G. and me... well I guess I should answer this more in details in a post, actually, as that would be the sort of stuff I should write about here... Why not... But to answer briefly here, let's say we have a really cool relationship. We do drive each other nuts, and she's pretty unstable, and that's partly because of her job, partly because of our global situation, and I guess mostly because of her childhood.

She's fine with her job most of the time, but she doesn't really enjoy it, so sometimes she feeling pretty bummed about it, and that's when it's the hardest for me.

About our friends... Depends. Most of my friends know her but not what she does. My family doesn't know.

Most of her friends know what she does, but in some way I'm not so sure you can categorize them as real friends. They are part of the circle, they are part of these limbos where sex-workers evolve. You know, it's a bit of a secret world, and when they get out of it, most don't look back and disappear.
Other members of these circles are brothels managers, regular clients, some dealers, some agency managers and clerical workers, some former escorts working in agencies as part of the crew, and formers members of all the previous categories.
A few enforcement agencies' members as well.
But are they real friends? Not really. I'm not saying it's how it is for all girls, but in G.'s case it is.
I wouldn't say that I know most of these "friends", but I did meet a lot of them. And out of these, most don't know that I know. See how this works? :)

@rfc11 (part 2)
And for the ones who do know that I know (drum rolls), a lot of them disregard me for it (because they think that I cannot honestly love her if I let her do it. Gotta love the tragic and ironic side in the situation, huh?).

Quick piece of advice: don't tell anyone about what she does. Or other things she might have done before (stripping, movies, surgery, drugs... anything personal related to the job in one way or another) and that she wants only people of this "circle" to be aware of (and sometimes not even those.
There's (for some girls, again, not all of them, and it depends on what kind of escort she is, her environment, your country, etc...) always a distinction between the 2 lives they lead, and it can be confusing: it's as if both worlds cannot co-exist at the same, but you don't disagree with one or the other. It makes you sick and you are fine with it. Like you can agree that being polygamous or polyamourous is fine, but at the same time finding it offending if your partner is with someone else. Or being understanding when it comes to someone receiving gratification for some services, but still seeing it as demeaning so you don't want to talk about it.

Basically, see it like this: making prostitution a thing people wouldn't be ashamed of (both as clients and providers) in our society is as tricky as trying to switch our economic and sociological system to one based on Marxism. Seems almost impossible without starting from a clean slate. Gotta believe in the dream though.

@rfc11 (part 3):
And yes we do have time to sit and talk. But we've been together for a while now. Things have changed a lot, we went through different phases... Without wanting to sound like I'm pitching a sale (which I'm not as I don't get anything out of it), read more of my posts. They cover different situations and periods.

At the beginning it was also hard to get time to talk and be together. I guess it probably was similar to you. I knew what she was doing but she didn't know I had figured it out, and I didn't meet her as a customer. We were meeting at odd hours, and were usually both tired. It was mostly sexual but with great times chatting together around a drink or junk food when she'd be off work ("meeting friends", as she said the first times ;) ).

With time it became less awkward, because she let go of the job a little. She told me later she did because she felt bad for me, and because it's hard for her to separate her work from her personal life. She even hold me a grudge for a little while for only *meeting* her, saying she'd have been better off without ever knowing me, as she could have kept on going with her job at the same pace, and I "cost her a lot of money" (now it's right back at ya sweetie!). And then it hurt her to have feelings for me and sleep with other people, etc...
(which eventually I could see, so I cornered her into telling me).

Now we live together and have been for quite a long time (well, considering our age), so, yeah, we're good together, and we do like each other very much.
I'm nuts about her man. I'd take the first plane to go get her on the other fucking side of the planet if she were to give me a call for help while she's somewhere with a client. Doesn't matter, I'd be there in a heartbeat.

But still, there are some sharp edges and rough patches. Some of my latest posts showed some, well, loss of hope in the possibility of our future. Things I always think about. Things you should think about, maybe (though like I said in these posts - like "Our bet on the wrong horses" - the problems are not really centered around her job, but more about her whole behavioral and psychological condition. She's been molded like that by her childhood, studies and this job, her isolation and everything. It's not something that's easy to go.

Don't know how yours is, so that doesn't mean it applies to you at all. Just that it's stuff to consider.



@ H: My open ID wasn't working so I'm posting with another username instead.

Ha ha, my bad. Sorry for getting all mushy with you about how I feel about her. I just like her, a lot. I care about her. That's really cool that you can be with G and live with her. May I ask, how did you tell her that you had feelings for her? Did you yourself continue to see her professionally until it just happened?
So I was just checking and saw K. K will be what I call the girl I've been talking about. K just put up her ad, gonna be in the city where she lives for the next three days. I wish I can call/email her to see her.
Listen, how do I know if she has any interest in me? Any signs that I should be looking for next time I am with her? I have no idea when I'll see her again, unless I make the effort to go see her.
So basically, to sum everything up in a nutshell: I like K, she doesn't know that I like her. At least that's what I think. I've seen her four times since January of this year. Each time I got to know her a little better. After the third time that I saw her, she told me what she does besides being a professional escort. I am going to be honest with you. The first two times, I liked her. But for some reason after the third time, this is when I started to like her even more and even though I care about her, I think I am getting my feelings mixed up with lust, I don't know. So she tells me what she does and I lost it, I couldn't believe I was having sex with an amateur porn model who does video and photo shoots with girls only. She also models, doing normal non xxx rated stuff.
I know I sound like I am going back and forth but maybe I do need some help/advice. Even though I say I like her, how do I know it’s not lust? I do say I care about her but do I really care about her, or is it the sex that I enjoy? I honestly don’t know where to go from here or what to do. Well, I do know whenever she pops up in my city again, hopefully I can see her and go from there. Maybe talking with her will help? That’s why I am on here, trying to get the best advice I can. I can’t talk to anyone else about this, not even my close friends. So again, I appreciate your help. Let me know what you think I should do. Thanks.

Hello everyone,

I am dating an escort and have been for around 5 months. Originally I was a client but have sense moved into a relationship with her. This may sound rather cliche, but after 3 weeks of seeing her, I just knew that I had fallen for her. Its was very very hard for me to cope with her job at first, for a few reasons. The first being that she was entertaining men, and that sometimes she would enjoy some of her experiences, which drove me crazy and sometimes still depresses me in the aspect that she is enjoying them in the way that she might possibly be enjoying me. Secondly, she sometimes is engaged in interesting compromising situations that possibly put her into harms way, in the aspect of not only seeing a client, but that client bringing in his own clients for her to be with, which is rather touchy because of STD's, mental stability, what have you.
It wasn't until recently when she was a "working" trip to another city that everything clicked. I was doing my usual insecurity comments to her on the phone, when she finally, in a virtual sense, sat me down and explained something to me. She told me that it was just a job, nothing more. She told me that when she was done with her job, she comes home to me, and only me. The crazy part is that she also confessed her feelings to me which blew my mind in the fact that she told me that she loved me.
So do I still have those feelings of doubt about her working? Yes I do, but then I remember what she told me, and this is where trust has to become your number 1 thing you can rely on, in the aspect that you trust that person when they tell you that they love you, and that it is only a job. I do trust her, and love her very much. I would walk to the end of the earth for her if I knew she was in trouble, or to merely see her.
Thank you all for letting me spill my guts here, I really appreciate everything that everyone has shared on this site. Thank you.

@ Richard,

Thanks for your post. I really enjoyed what you had to say. What I read, makes me feel better about my situation. I'm falling for an escort myself, have seen her a few times and hopefully, when I do see her again, I can let her know how I feel about her and go from there. But mad props to you bro, I'm jealous! Keep us updated with how it's all going. Take care.

The only thing I can say is "hear, hear!"

I'm glad that things are working out well for you and even more that you found this blog of use. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience with us.

It's always nice to meet people in similar situations and for who things turn out well. It seems like your relationship is rather healthy and that your girlfriend is definitely in control over what she does. Yes, she'd sometimes enjoy her job, but it's still a job, and take it like that: if most people (well, in our countries) can appreciate their daily job, why shouldn't she be entitled too, after all? She chose it for some reasons, and some might be these. But it's still just a job, and like she said, she's still coming home to you, and only you. That's the only thing that really matters.

I've just seen an escort, and we both hit it off emotionally! WOW.

We laid there for 30 mins just kissing and talking, while we fucked. She let me do free greek, when it was never an option.

Even when the hour was done, she stayed an extra 25...Doing none other than Cuddling, kissing and talking.
Took us 5 mins to stop kissing/hugging at the door when she was leaving.

I was short money in the envolope, by mistake, and she said, Dont worry.

Not a normal escort encounter at all!! IMO, Real Attraction has been hit, she even told me, the first second we met "you're hot, i'd sleep with u for free"

I've been with a few escorts, and when the hour is done,they want you out.nvm the free greek.Xtra 30 mins,cash shortage.

I'm telling you, I'm going to see her again, but this time just to push things forward, seeing her outside of work.

Any thoughts? wouldnt u say this was one unique encounter?

We're round same age, in college...

P.S.Found out We both only date each others races.
So she only dates guys my race, and i only date gals her race.

LIke i

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Would you say this is grounds for a potential escort GF?!
BTW. Ive only seen her once.

How about do i do this?

I was thinking of just seeing her, but not really fucking her... just seeing her,kiss her, and to see if she wouldnt mind seeing me outside of work, get an email or phone#.

You know, layout how i understand this is a rare situation lol

Help guys!! Tell me what u think

@ Leez:

That's awesome! You da man bro! You're doing better than me. The next time you talk with her, ask her if she would like to hang out outside of her "work", see what she says. That's what I would do. But you gotta becareful because, being so nice to a guy is part of their "job" but it does sound like the both of you are off to a great start.

I'm in a similar situation, only thing is that I haven't told her how I feel about her. I'm sure she knows that I like her but I'm looking forward to the moment when I can tell her and see what happens.

Keep us posted.

I think my GF is/was an escort, but am not sure yet. I am not interrogating her, she is filling in the blanks in her own way, as we go along

So, I don't know that much about her life yet, but she is a marvelous woman. I really want this to work, and I am glad I found this blog


This is a great blog, thank you for doing this it has given me and my relationship with (A) some hope. I have been able to spill my guts to a few people close to me whom understand the escorting business. Most of them told me to run, once I became emotional, and until then ride it out and have fun free of charge.

Though there not in my shoes and I actually like (A) alot. Not sure I love her, though her emotions towards me are intense and fast moving.

I meet (A) a month ago at this exclusive party in a major US city. She approached me and it we hit it off from there, we had few mutual friends though these friends aren't her friends nor mine. She really has no friends, (real) maybe one which in the last month made a point I meet her. Some on whom has been in her life before she got into this business.

At first she told me she was a waitress, and wouldn't sleep with me for the first few dates and then I found out she would at one of the top Gentleman's club's in the city. She was shy an timid about telling about that which I had no problem with, been there done that. Then my investigative mind came into play and googled her found out she had been picked up 3-4 days before the night I had meet her for escorting!!

My mind went spinning for a loop, so I told her I knew and to come clean with me. She told me everything and actually cried to me. I told her I want to try to make this work and understand all this, though its going to be hard for me. its been about two weeks since I knew about her real work, and I'm coping now. She makes serious money and promises me she is retiring in 6 months on B-day, Is this really possible???? She even told me if I need to wait for that date, she'll wait for me.

Everything is happening so fast!!! I don't know what to do, my mind is playing tricks on me. I want to help her in this move to retire and try to be happy, she know the people around her aren't her friends and that maybe I can help her escape these leaches.

Also, its been a real rush for me, the fact that she basically choose and me. I feel like I act as the escort in the bedroom, its nuts. The risks (STDS) too are killing me in side! I got tested the yesterday and I came up clean but as soon as she shes another client it starts again(the risk). She promises me she will get test this coming week to show me how safe she is. Though I read her reviews which in the beginning I want to puke and cry at the same time. Shes one of top girls in this city charging 500-600$ and hour and always uses protection though kisses her clients and sometimes BBJ for the right price. Never swallows. No Anal

WTF. I feel like I'm playing with fire with no water.

At the end of the day I really care for her now and feel bad that she's in this situation and if I where to leave her she might never retire like she promises she has wants too. She will end up with a decent amount of money considering her lifestyle which I can respect.

Thanks for reading this rant. Its like a bad run-on.

Happy New Year too all!!

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@ RFC11

Hey man, hows it going with your lover? Any progress?

As for me...Im dating her now. =)

Craziest weeks of my life, stayin at her NY Bungalo

Sex is insane bcuz escorts r never shy to begin with, nvm once they actually like you. No Cost needed is also amazing lol

I read the signs right, she was very interested and attracted, it wasn't an act.
She told me when we met the 2nd time.

I paid for that 2nd session.
I did not have sex with her (to seperate myself from other clients)
N i left Happier!
Gaining trust & Knowing the Real her:
Real Name,childhood,goals,hobbies,etc..

And when she typed her number into my phone...

I knew it was worth it!!
Now we're like inseperable, and shes talkin bout ending it in the near future. =)

If you (or anyone) wants to know the whole story bit by bit of what happened in detail, on what she did as signs of interest,signs of wanting somthing beyond "work" how she gauged my trust.

Then just leave an email. Ill tell you the story.

cuz i dunno if i should write the story here so publicly.


Sorry guys for ignoring you for so long. I do try to write back, but it's hard to get the time, and I've got plenty to say actually, to all of you.

I'll definitely try to get back to you soon.


Hello there. I am an escort and was dating a man that knew about my source of income. Let me first give you a short bio. I started escorting to support my family. My family and I had no income. I was divorced and found myself with a toddler, abused sister, and disabled immigrant parent. Social services and child support only was able to provide about 800 a month. On top of my bills I wanted to finish school. Finishing school would end this cycle of poverty my family had experienced all their life. I met this man through my "job." I fell in love with him. Please note I had not had a relationship in almost a decade before I met him. He said he loved me. A revelation happened. If he loved me so much he would have never let me do this. I know I wouldn't let my daughter, mother, or sister do these things. Love is powerful and if you love someone you would never let them sell their body like that. If you love your girlfriends please find a way to make them stop. Help them financially until they can find a better job. Being an escort is a horrible job. I have had years of nightmares about my clients. I cannot even begin to explain them. I hope some of you find this informing.
Lady Night


I am very sorry to hear about your tough situations in life, I hope things are getting better for you. So, please forgive me if this is too forward when I ask this, but what happened with the man that you fell in love with, how are you two doing? Also I just wanted to let you know that I am trying so hard to support my GF into stopping her current occupation. I love her with all my heart and soul and I am very happy to say that she feels the same way. She had confided in me that she will be stopping soon and I am hoping that "Soon" is sooner rather then later. But until that moment comes all I can do is support her the best ways I know how, and be the shoulder for her to lean on when she is down. I sincerely hope that everything gets better for you.

Dear Claudia,

Thanks a lot for sharing with us. I can fully understand your point of view and the trauma that you might have suffered from your experiences as an escort, and that it probably haunted and still haunts you.

I can assure you that in my case I am doing absolutely everything I can to get her out here. However there is a big pride issue. She does not belong me, and rightly so she doesn't want me to be too involved in breaking her cycle...
I do support her financially during the periods where she doesn't work. While she works as an escort, she obviously makes lots of money (except she also spends a lot, unfortunately, and this is also a part of the cycle she has to learn to break mostly on her own).

We have both been through very tough times and we have both supported one another through those rough patches.

Keep also in mind that not all escorts are in this out of misery (though I am a bit conservative and agree there's usually a fairly easy pattern to spot). I know a few escorts privately, and a ton online (therefore I give the latter less credit, obviously) who really are in this business because it is their vocation. They do of course find it demeaning at times, and have problems to deal with (legalization, drugs, ill-mannered clients, their families' and relatives' judgment, etc...). But they also enjoy the time it leaves them to deal with other things, they high salary, the flexible hours (though that's debatable...), and for some of them (wouldn't generalize here) it also gives them an easy opportunity to satisfy a very high sex-drive. Of course, it's easier if you can afford to "hand-pick" your clients to satisfy your desires more than to serve them. Not everyone is that "lucky". But in the end, I'd agree with you, like I said it many times on this blog, that even those girls often ended up in this industry because of other factors. Though they regard it positively, they are here because of their exposure to other issues (family usually being prominent one, as well as financial problems).

I do blame myself a lot for her doing this job, and even more because she has been doing it for a while now. I didn't manage to make her fully stop, but at least to only do it on and off. Most importantly, I made her make her studies her priority now. Which makes it even harder for me, as it means more work on my side. Still, my job is better than having to serve a bunch of pigs (even though some of these are actually well-behaved and respectful).

I hope things are better for you now and that you can find what you are looking for in your life.

Thanks again for sharing, and believe me, you point is a strong one and I value your contribution a lot.

All best,



Well, I don't know, from what I read it doesn't really sound too serious, just purely sexual at this point.
That being said, it's up to you, see her again, see how it goes.

Regarding whether it's purely lust or not... well time only tells, I guess. I could say that you should know but the thing is, who hasn't been lured into thinking they like someone when they were just having some good and fun time, uh?

I guess you have to dive in to know. It's a risk.

And by the way, I didn't meet G professionally. I never was a punter, not even that much of a player kind of a guy in the first place. I'm pretty much a quiet loser type :)
I explained in one of the posts how we met (trying to dig the URL out right now but ... nevermind). It was mostly through friends. Standard stuff.

I explain in the same posts and other how I came to realize what she was doing (well, I partly say), and then eventually I asked her to just admit it - which she didn't want to, but it's pretty hard to defend when you're in the middle of a night in a hotel room with your new boyfriend and that you get a phone call, argue for a while with whoever, and then try to say that you need to get out for a little while with not so much of a reason. And well, when similar calls have happened before (in slightly less obvious situations though), you connect the dots. SO I sort of forced her to confess it, she finally did and was, well, mostly just angry (and later on embarrassed, but at least mostly pissed off! ;) ). Then I just said OK and that I just wanted to hear it from her, be sure and be done with it, and that it wasn't my business, or at least not at this stage in our relationship (that was fairly new).

I told her I like her a while before that. We had been going out for a little while, mostly just fucking around but feeling pretty connected. We don't always have the same tastes in common and disagree on a shit-load of stuff, but we have quite similar personalities (the former is what she mostly sees and makes her sad, I do care more about the later, I guess).
One night we went out and basically I just said that if we were to keep seeing each other, she needed to know that I was really liking her but couldn't promise anything more at the moment (took me a while, I've always been a very defensive guy), and that I would like to be sure that she's in it for anything else than fun as well or it wasn't worth the effort. Though G. turned me sort of in a more sexual person and had me go through kinkier stuff than I was used too, not really in the bedroom but swingers clubs, group sex and stuff, I am not really a guy interested in just fun. I have a very busy life, and never wanted to waste time with shit like that. I needed at least a sign that there was *something*. She sorted of sighed and said "fine! let's do it", quite reluctantly actually - which hurt quite a bit but at the same time was kind of funny because, well, I know she can be as cold as ice and as closed as a clam-shell when it comes to her feelings, so that was actually a good sign! :).

Things are different for everybody.

Just dive in. And if it fails, so what? You made a bad decision. YOu might get laughed at for falling for your escort. Or you might laughed for your girlfriend being an escort. Well it's nothing compared to haven't met anyone that matters to you by the day you fucking die.

Thanks for the kind words, and I probably understand what you're saying with the filling the blanks bit.

I guess it works like that for many people. First it's "oh by the way I slept with [big number] men". And "ah, yes, there might have been women as well...".
Allusions to being actually more than that, and you having no experience in comparison.
Then you get things that are part of her universe: "come on, let's go to a strip-club!! What do you mean you rarely do that? Oh come on everybody goes to strip-clubs, it's just normal!". Or the classic "No I'm not high on marijuana... huh? ok, I'm high, but that was just coke, and that was a gift from a friend".
Then there are always those mysterious friends. And the mysterious calls. And the stunning outfits where you think "ok, that girl has to be well-dressed 24/7 or she feels bad, or something, because she's meeting me at 5AM and she's fucking stunning!!".

That sort of things...

And yeah, don't push her.
It'll come out at some point, when need be.

Quite an intriguing story and actually mine has some parts that are pretty damn close :)

I'm running out of time for today to reply, unfortunately. Really sorry, because I understand your allusion with playing with fire and I apologize for leaving you hanging when maybe I could have replied earlier and give you some advice. Even though I don't think my advice matters that much. What really matters is simply to know that this happens, that it's possible, and that it can work. But also that there are lots of chances for failure.

One thing before I go though... about her retiring, I wouldn't bet too much on it. Don't want to be too harsh or drag you down, *but* you have to understand that his job, no matter if the girl (or guy) likes it or not, is very powerful. It controls you, for so many different reasons depending on the persons.

Like I said in some posts, there are obvious advantages, and things that actually make it an interesting career path, even if short-lived. Lots of money, some control over what you do, how and with whom. Lots of time on your hands, though not always as flexible as people would say.
You might feel horrible about doing it, but on the other hand you feel empowered by the admiration from your clients. You want to always remain stunning and fit and be adored for that, and the simple fact that you still do the job means you still have the looks.

Then there can lots of side-effects. Drugs are not uncommon, but it's too easy to associate them with that. It doesn't necessarily go hand in hand.

But power can have many faces. It can also be just the fact that you can network with powerful people. Like she said, she goes to top-gentlemen's clubs. Which is true. If you've never done it, once, go out to high-end and slightly sleazy bars. You'll find the most amazing people there... Connections are great. Money switches pockets easily.
G. has a couple of VERY (as in VERY VERY VERY) wealthy clients, for whom just giving out an extra 10K to a girl because they like her and they are regulars and that girl says she needs help. Very tempting.
There are some good guys. Part of a despicable scheme, but overall good. And they don't mind helping, if you ask. And you want to be close to those people.

And chances are, your girl probably likes the job as well, from a sexual perspective. It's hard to tell, because online you will find both external and internal viewpoints, which both defends both sides: that girls do it only for money and that some actually enjoy the job, not just its pros. There's no denying that for some people, the sexual aspect is a factor. Not for everyone of them.
So there's a chance she's a bit of player, by nature or now by habit. There's a chance she likes the scene, all those advantages, and pulling back is VERY hard.
Very hard to suddenly sit at home and think of your utility bills instead of being invited to dinners in great hotels by rich friends.

There were recent studies on why women do really - statistically, that is - prefer older and richer men, even if not attractive. Simply because they - but I guess a similar study could have proven the same thing for men, obviously! - prefer the obvious nice life that the bad one. You prefer to go out, have fun, and not worry. And be adored, and see great people.
You don't want to think bills, fines, work like a dog, take the bus instead of a limo or even a cab. (oh and also, money boosts people's confidence. And people with big egos, though maybe controlling, are statistically more active in bed. More in control. and they don't ask stuff like "was that good for you?" because they think they know it was, and are not insecure - at least not at first - about their performances and their physical attributes...).

The world sucks, huh? :)

Gotta go, probably more later.
Please write back to let me how things are now.

sorry, maybe I misjudged and talked too quickly. A bad habit to be defensive. I can discriminate sometimes too, and the fact is that here by default I don't necessarily feel empathize with all of you.

Most of you here, are, after all, customers. Punters. You fall in my "they/them" category. Case in point, you're not necessarily evil, but you drive an industry I wouldn't necessarily condone either, or at least not in the form or shape it exists (especially in the US, but in other countries as well: UK, even Australia or Netherlands though it's legal, Spain, China, etc...).

My bad then if I turned you a bit down. Maybe there's good stuff for you there as well, and I'm glad you saw her again and paid for your session but not for sex.

Hope it works out well.

This is where I tell the story of how I met her the first time. Doesn't answer everything you want to know, but that's something.

For the rest, well, I need time on my hands to keep writing this blog. Which I really don't at the moment, sadly. It's too bad really, because there are tons of stuff I still want to write and things I want to address.


And then follow with:


Thanks for the advice. Its been an interesting ride. We just got back from Mexico which I wasn't really excited about though it wasn't so bad. It messed with me a bit, the mind tricks etc, seeing all these real couples that have been married for 20+ years, newly weds etc. then us??? 3 months strong, Wierd.

Now being back I'm accepting everything more and more, its been easy for me to get angry with her, which isn't right which I need to curb. I ask things I don't want to know and use it against her sometimes, then she tells me to much etc. I guess is best to try to keep it comp. separate???

Anyway she's stopping in June %110 percent. At this point I love being with her, she tells me she loves me and is really emotionally towards our relationship. I was gonna cancel Mexico and told her week before we needed to slow down and take a step back and she really wasn't having it, cried, begged me to stick by her etc.

I don't think I love her, but if things change I think I can. I really care for her and want to be there for her unconditionally.

Its hard for me to be faithful to her right now though she will prolly freak if she found out I was ever with another girl. Which is hard for me to understand at the moment.

I'm trying to make this work, I see her everytime shes available and she dedicates alot of time just for us which is comforting. She's a special girl deep down. I'm just worried about her big dreams with the money she is gonna leave with (a bit naive). She says she learned alot from her $$$ clients and is gonna use this money and turn it into something w/her Mom (whom has no idea, dad too). I don't want to shatter her dreams though I'm the voice of reason in the relationship a lil. Like moving out of he 2k a month apt and finding a part-time job come june etc.

She has really changed alot since we meet. Its what she wants and I have been there to push her a lil. She can only do it herself though I feel if stick around it will be worth it in the end. Not sure if I can hang on though. As you know some nights are tough, very emotional skewed thoughts, drunkness etc.

I'm not trying to be some savior or anything though I think if I would leave he she might fall off the deep end?? My sister caught wind of it whom is like my Mom, she has a sixth sense with me and felt something was up and asked me. I couldn't lie and so far she has been very cool about it. Though worried about ME. I was trying to keep this under wraps amongst fmaily and friends, ppl in general. Small world you know.

The minds trick though. Just who's who?? Maybe someone close to me was her client or is??? WTF. I might need therapy after this.

Thanks for getting back to me.


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I tried to help my gf for 2 yrs. I was in love with her and so she thought she was in love with me. College, doctor, medicine for rehab, housing, food, gas, insurance, bought her a car. Literally i supported her 100%. My expectation, go to school, use the college tutors, get a part time job to stay busy. She dropped out or never made a concerted effort. i took her back time after time. i even helped her re-establish a relationship with her father. I assisted her mother with a down payment for a home so she could avoid growing old in a trailer.
Was this enough to help her see that life can be powerful with an education and avoid being controlled by men, money, and drugs? No.
She was either too lazy to follow my advice and would have a "f*** it" attitude to give up, or she kept using and could not pass a drug test.
I was working 6 days a week to support her, more than any man ever had done for her. Even more than her father. Why? Because real love is sacrificing. Real love makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. Which is what i did and she didn't, and I was not going to make her do anything that she did not want to do.
I tried to assist her to become empowered and independent instead of dependent on me as i did for my children because if something happened to me than she could continue on without me.
What i learned about escorts from her is they are all on drugs on one form or another. They cannot humanly do what they do without drugs. It is a vicious circle. They do the drugs to numb themselves and their conscious. They need money to fuel the drugs of which they need more and more. So to do more clients for more money to buy more drugs for more numbing.
You cannot make people do what they do not want to do.
I know it is a hard life, i was on the streets when i was 16 and i subjected myself to horrible people to survive. So i know life is a cruel bitch, but i worked really hard, got 2 jobs, got myself in school and life may not be fabulous with the loss of the middle class, but it is better than that life.
I wish her the best and told her not to contact me until she got a job, then i would know she is serious about life and me. I don't think she will make it because she doesn't have the burning desire to hate that world with disgust and run from it so she can have something better. I listened to a guest speaker that had lived on the streets and was now attending Harvard, Lalita Booth. She tells audiences that when a person makes a decision to succeed, anything is possible. That made me realize that my gf didn't really WANT college, want a job, want a different life, want different friends. The desire was not there.
It is all very sad to me and am beginning to feel it was a great big waste. I think at times she did try but i also realize that at other times she took advantage of my good will.


I agree with you, things can be pretty damn sad. And I think G. has the same issues. Meaning: she doesn't really try hard enough to get out of it. She's OK with the drugs, it's not that big of an issue. It's mostly recreational, not worse than some of my friends, and not at a worrying level of consumption, nor a huge financial hole.

But the job itself, she doesn't really give it up. She has ups and downs, gives up for a while, goes back to it, then studies very hard and finds other jobs, and goes back to it again. Like other commenters said, if we were in love we would do anything we can to get them out of there, right?

Reading your comment made me feel a a bit better, because lately I have been feeling like I've been wasting my life, time, energy and money as well on her. Yet I love her, and like you said, it is very sacrificial. I just gave up all of it for not so much in return. Except her, and that's all I really want. But does it really work? It does for now. But will it really, on the long run? Maybe not.

I sometimes think this blog might be giving false hopes for people and luring them into a trap where I've fallen myself, because I want to believe in it...
But on the other hand, things are fine at the moment, and she's really working less. Though still working. And with her working less, she's relying again more on me. Which is fine, except it's impossible to make her stop to want high-quality stuff all the time. She just wants to go out, party, have fun, have drinks, meet people, etc... It's really hard, makes you feel like shit, like a fucking low-life (which maybe I am), and like you're not trying hard enough or you would be able to give her all this without her having to have sex with other people. Right?

Not so sure, honestly. There's just so much a person can do. From what I've read, you went pretty far. I know I did. I know I don't think I could go much further than that. I could go to the point of getting back in touch with family to ask for help. I could find yet another job, another extra shift, another extra remote temping thing. But if that's for her to throw it all away the next week, is that the right way to got?
It's a pretty hard condition, isn't it?

I think she has the desire to stop, as she doesn't like to be treated like shit by clients. Or for the ones who treat her nicely, she doesn't like that it's a condescending relationship. She doesn't like the power of the agencies. The power of the whole model. The power of the job over her. But fuck, she likes the power of the money. The power it gives to her, to buy stuff, go out in bars we wouldn't go to otherwise. Go to good places because she sometimes wants great food.
It's a shame really, because we can be so freaking happy with almost nothing. We had the best times during periods when we were low on cash and budgeting a lot.

I don't think she really does drugs to numb herself. She might do it sometimes, and might have done it in the past. I know she did when she met me, because she said she didn't want to think of me on the job, and she needed it afterwards as well to relax and not feel guilty all the time. I know she did it when she worked for more sleazy agencies, had to sleep with her bosses and things like that. She needed drugs to mingle, be part of the thing. You don't feel used anymore, you're part of the party. Same difference if you ask me. Woman empowerment in this situation is just a fucking smoke-screen to make them feel better about themselves, think they have the control. Yeah they do: they can just leave. But the money is stronger than that.

@gus/wpbisland (part 2):

So yeah, she probably used you. But I wouldn't think she did it consciously. She might have loved you very dearly and feel horrible for doing those things. Yet she cannot stop it.

You'd better feel bad about her, and keep your arms open if she comes running back, and maybe hope she does, at least for her own sake. It's hard. Maybe don't give her everything, but I know that if my daughter were ever in that situation, I'd like to know there's one schmuck out there who would try to help her, even if only a little. Someone who would treat her with respect, and give her a hand. Not necessarily someone who would screw up his life for her. Sure I'd prefer that over hers, but I just would like to imagine there'd be guys who would at least do *something* instead of ignoring her like the plague and curse, and do all that in spite of all the troubles she gives them.

There has to be that sort of guys, or no one will help them.

So thanks for having done that. You can feel proud of that, even if you feel ashamed of having been used. At least you were open, kind, and helpful.

And if you get some nice memories out of it, then it might have been worth it anyway, no?

I also am dating an escort for the last two months. Ironically she is 1 million times better than any non hobbyist I've ever met. I was not a client but met her on a personal level. We debate much over her job....I try to get past the emotional ramifications of her laying with other men but I'm failing. I'm a very emotional yet traditional type of Guy. I don't want to lose her....any advice on dealing? She is going to school trying to get out of the hobby. I feel bad going to the internet for answers but it appears even my psych isn't equipped to deal with these circumstances either. We have tried various making me aware of when and where her appointments happen...making me understand its business and there is no emotional connection. I wonder if our own intimacy suffers because of her ability to turn on or off feelings during sex. I don't have a hobbyists point of view here...I just need to find a happy medium because I really know she is my soulmate.

hi guys, this is gonna be a real long post. First off i want to say that this is great that this exist and im not the only one. I cant really talk about this friends cause frankly its a bit too embrassing. I met an escort 2 years older than me and immediately we felt a connection and exchanged numbers. People say im a pretty boy but im just too shy which is why i went there to begin with. Anyways i woudnt call it dating, but ive been seeing her for the past 2 months in MOntreal, she has gone back to her home in toronto for me. So shes still working here but she will go back soon. Its just so messed up. First of all shes not allowed to legally work here so i dont think she can just quit even if she wants to. I know she is truly in love with me and i want to also but i just dont see anything good coming from this. Shes also really reluctant to talk about her past since she is from abroad and is not Canadian. Any advice would be appreciated and if you want more details ill answer questions. Thanks alot

I'm really glad that you wrote this blog. Now, I feel I am not alone. I always felt I was the only person ever to date an escort. I was with her for 3 years, and I wasn't a client of hers I was her "Driver". I drove her to and from dates so she didn't have to drive home drunk. Then she wanted to go home with me one day and it all started from there. I can probably write a book about this whole thing but to keep things short and to the point, We got married in Vegas. I totally agree with you, it takes a lot to be with an escort. I have learned a lot and I have been damaged a lot during the three years I was with her. Her job didn't bother me because I knew that thats what she has to do to survive plus she has two children she has to support, and she had two of the greatest children might I add. I should know, I lived with her lol. I have a question to ask you. Do you always get accused of being her pimp to the people that ask you what your girlfriend does?

Wow, it does exist. Well, the advice here seems genuine so let me ask for some.

Okay, met a girl on a call. Beautiful, fun, damn near perfect. For the sake of privacy, I'll call her N. Well by time I left from the 2nd call she was sending me messages like "4 real, u and i r great together". I've now been seeing her for a few months and a couple of days ago I took her to a range. She likes guns. The point is, I really like her. We have a lot of the same interests and standards. We're zodiac opposites (me being Aries, her a Libra). Only 6 months age difference. For a while I tried not seeing her and I couldn't. I don't know how she feels about me compared to her other clients but I know I wanna spend more time with her, on a personal level. Any advice?

Oh and I do know that she isn't just some prostitute who lets everyone stick it in her. As I said, she does have standards.

Hey all,

I am now dating an escort. I was her client and we connected the first time we met. After seeing her 3 times, she invited me over to her house and we just hung out and watched TV. This past weekend I invited her over to watch some movies and have a little wine. Of course I was fully anticipating that we were going to hook up.

When she left my place I offered to pay her for her time, which is what I have done in the past. She declined and told me "our time is our time" and that it is not required. Actually I thought I offended her and I was really worried. She called me when she got home and asked why I offered to pay her. I told her I didn't want to assume anything. She was grateful I offered.

The next day she asked if she could see me and at first I was worried that I really screwed up or she had something heavy to tell me. Fortunately, she just wanted to see me again. We went to a bar that I like to hang out at we had pizza and drinks and ended up at my place.

I have the foresight to kind of see this coming, so I am determined to have fun, not fall too hard and just enjoy my time. She is a great person and the best sex I have ever had and I've had some pretty awesome sex.

She keeps telling me that she is addicted to me, and I feel the same about her.

We will see how things go...I will keep everyone updated. Good luck to everyone out there dating an escort or escorts dating a former client.

Hello from Vegas.

I am madly in love with my girlfriend and love of my life Sarah. We have been both in love for 10 months. I am 36 years of age- good looking not terribly good looking. I was married for 10 years which my wife loved women and we have had amazing sex experieces throughout our 20 to early 30's. I don't call escorts and this was my first time. My friend owns a limo compnay here and was have a christmas party at some fancy bowling lanes. Sarah showed up and I instantly had an energy vibe with her that I didn't even want to have sex with her. I gave her 2000 we went to my room and told her that I wasn't expecting sex but just a good time and if the vibe is there we would roll with it. We had a great time. she stayed all night and it felt wonderful. We went to Mexico together Play Del Carmen and stayed a week. She paid for half. Since then we have never been apart- I love the fact that she is the best at what she does, enjoys it fucking hot guys in vegas a few times a month to make 3000 to 5000 a pop. We are very open minded and lover her unconditionally which besides my children have never felt that way. She is a butterfly that I enjoy not cage and we experience life together. It turns me on knowing that I to could have a great selection of woman but I only choose her. don't get me wrong everyone has a day. but is I or her are not in good place for the day then we back off and our needs come first. Don't under estimate the value of love.

hello everyone my name is little fuck and im in a relationship with a escort she is the love of my life we met before she was doing this job she had a house cieaning busssness well let me tell u one thing that everything i thought i knew or was rasid with has to go out the window.
we have broke up so many time or she has with me.but i know i love her why im still here.i have tryed to stop loveing her to leave her heart says no.any way there are a lot of thing that can go miss understood or taken wrong by just see them and assumeing thing.i have made so many mistakes doing things i sould have not,said things also.i have to say this she is more of a real woman and has had my back and me hers.
poeple today wow how they change and fast.
let me say this i have learned so much about me and the men of today and the diff between love and sexs also how to see.
now i know the things i do if things dont work out i thank her makeing me a real man.
not the tricks of to day.once a trick allways a trick

My name is paris I live in scotland, I'm an ex escort I met my ex partner through my work we fell in love he undestood my job and then the worst happened. His father passed away.he wanted a break and I sorted my self out, I gave it all up and everything to do with it. Then he dumped me three months later he d never felt the same about me when his father died and I believe he lead me on ..... What I'm trying to say is I don't thing any one in this game should date. And it should be kept a secret. It secretly eats away at both parties involved. Never be ashame of who you are or change for anyone. I lost everything because of my career. Its a dangerious game to an ex escort I have seen many types of men and realise they are all similar in there ways. He couldn never forgive me for what I was ......when in the beggining he know all along the pro s and cons,letting me fall for him, and him walking away with a large lack of respect for me, escorts have two personalitys. Always make sure the work one doesn't over rule your personal one. I learnt the hard way.....


Fantastic site!

My experience with escorts is slightly different, but just wanted to share it.

Basically, my ex fiance had a big boob job without telling me - not a great move from her i know. On such a petite and slim frame it gave her what can only be described as 'the porn look'.

She began going out with her friends at weekends, without me, wearing the sexiest clothes she could and met a guy who was an agent in the porn and escort industries who loved her look and wanted her to do modelling.

I requested for her not to see him anymore and she promised me she wouldnt, but as the truth came out after the relationship ended she carried on seeing him.

He paid for her to get an extensive set of nude and topless shots done (i didnt know about this as stated above), and unbeknown to me offered her the chance to escort foreign businessmen.

With my job requiring me to work nights she accepted the chance and began escorting. She seemed distant when i did see her and the truth was she was having regular escort work and had a secret bank account for her earnings.

Then work with one of her clients, a rich Russian businessman, became very regular and she began seeing him several times a week.

At this point she told me, and i believed her, that she had a sales job that meant she would be away at weekends quite alot in the early days.

The truth was he had given her access to an apartment he owned and she kept all of the vastly expensive gifts he had bought her there and it was at this point he was calling her his mistress.

She finally confessed everything to me when she came home in a brand new Range Rover Sport and admitted what had been happening and told me she was leaving me.

That was last year and the guy has left his wife and they are now togther and she no longer does the escorting (doesnt need to).

So my experience isnt so great with escorts!

This is a great site. The love of my life is an escort. I knew she was an escort when we started dating (I was a client). We've known each other for maybe 5 years, and we've been dating seriously for about a year. I am just insanely madly in love with her, and I she definitely seems to feel the same way about me. There are a lot of complications in the relationship and I am often afraid we won't be able to get through them all. This site has a ton of great information. Thanks!

You should consider setting up some type of forum. It would be great to be able to have some kind of open discussion amongst other men and women in this type of relationship. One of the biggest issues I face is that I feel like I have nobody I can really talk to about the complications that we face, as only somebody else in a similar situation could really understand the complexities.

Hi all
thank you so much to the person that created this blog, and everyone that has put words of wisdom on the page. i have felt so alone over the last year, its not like you can tell your friends and family that the woman i love is an escort....!
as most people have said we have had fights every month over what she does for a living and the broken promises.
i have just ended my one year relationship with "D" due to her having 2 personalities and the way she treats me when we are not together and she is working, i love her more than i have ever loved anyone in my entire life, but i cant share her anymore, my feelings are too deep.
she always said she would stop and finally i asked her to stop... no i begged her to stop, but she wont, she says that she needs the money but i think she enjoys her job too much to stop, men are always commenting on her site about how amazing she is, don't get me wrong im disappointed that she still chooses to do this when i can give her anything she wants and more from financial stability to never ending love, lets face it being an escorts boyfriend for a year is not an easy thing!!
we broke up when she was on tour because she promised that she would not do any unprotected services, and i read a several reviews about her doing the things she said she wouldn't do, and she offered A levels too :(
i sent her an email explaining my disappointment in her and that i felt betrayed by her, this has undermined her respect for me and that i do not wish to hear from her or see her ever again. at first she took all the services off the sites but then added them back on and more...! i guess she has done this to either get at me or is it because she now feels she can as she is single what do you think?
we have had no communication since and this was 4 weeks ago, i miss her so much :(((
would really like some advice from both boyfriends of escorts and escorts alike on what you feel i should or shouldn't do now? i feel like im trapped between a rock and a hard place, she knows how i feel about her but i can do anything, as she wont compromise, this only leads me to think that she never loved me despite telling me she did regularly.
thanks for listening. Oigaib

I would love to talk to someone about this. My new g/f is an escort, and it took me totally by surprise - huge learning curve. Coming along but would REALLY like to interact with some people who are experiencing this same - phenomenon -


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My Girlfriend is an Escort

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