Our Swinging Habits  

Posted by H in , , , ,

I have to say that my encounter with G. was sexually enlightening. Not that I was a complete virgin who would have been dropped like a white sheep in the middle of a wolves' lair. I had dated a decent, though not necessarily impressive I guess, number of girls before her, and had always put a huge interest and effort in being (or at least trying to be and trying to learn to be) a good, affectionate and generous lover.

I often got that comment from female friends of mine who at some point engage in lesbian relationships that pleasuring women is a nightmare. Tell us about it. We know. While some will just discard (or just be completely ignorant of) that thought and engage in sexual activities for their own pleasure, I know some men feel that huge rush of adrenaline when they're on a date, which is not only induced by the date itself but also by the stress of trying not to do anything wrong.

Any men who just disagrees with that and would pretend he cannot go wrong is just a plain liar. Being a good lover is just *hard* (and not just about being it).

So when I met G. and we slept together for the first time I had that adrenaline rush. I tend to be too self-contious as first in relationship, trying too much to have everything do smoothly, look spontaneous, while keeping it pleasant. And everything went fine the first time. And the next time. And the next ones.

But boy, did I realize she had a crazy sex drive that I was barely able to control... As she told me herself, she doesn't know if she got into this business because of it or if the business helped to make it that way, but it just is. She's always thinking of it (both on a sexual and emotional level, which means she's also the crazy jealous type, sometimes).

I think from all my "first night", the one with her though maybe not the wildest, was the scariest. Seriously, I was scared to my very soul, though I did not show it. For once, because I really liked her and did not want to mess anything. But also because she was driving us like a driver at Daytona. Hard to keep her under control, or even to let her hand over the control from time to time.

That was quite impressive and magical, in ways I won't describe.

But the funniest, and that is what was really new to me, was just the pace at how things evolved. So quickly. From one night where we fucked the next time she asked me if I would like to have a three-some with her, or go to friends for orgies or go to swingers club.

I have to say, this was not really my life style. I am really open to possibilities and discoveries, and that just sounds plain fun to me, so I was not really intimidated and said yes. Also thinking, maybe she was joking. Poor fool that I was...

So she was not joking, and before I knew it she would sometimes ask me during nights out if particular friend of mine or hers would do, and so on. Gee, that was an approach I had never thought of... Quite direct. And there we were.

Anyway, back to the main subject. G. likes swinging. I had never done that. She tends to think most of the things that would be in the domain of the "definitely possible but unusual" for most people out there is a common sense and even a norm. People have threesomes (or more), have orgies in high-school, all used cocaine, are all bi-sexuals, and all cheat and go to swingers' clubs.

Now I understand that considering her past and her circle, some of these (and for even restricted circles, all of these) could be the norm, like she says.

But I'd be damn if the vast majority of people on earth would live by these standards, like she pretends. That is just delusional.

But hey, that doesn't matter anyway. Like I said, it sounds plain fun.

So G. used to have quite a lot of sexual partners before (and during) our relationship, and to date more people at once, and go to swingers' clubs for some extra fun. Sometimes with rich clients who specifically booked her for such nights, and sometimes just with friends or on her own.

And she definitely wanted to take me to one. At first I don't really know what she had in mind. I mean, I know what she had in mind, but what it meant to her, I couldn't tell. Because we were just starting, and I didn't know if she wanted us to do that to keep our relationship mainly sexual, of if it was genuine desire to have fun, or desire to show me something (see, the adrenaline rush is back: "what the Hell could I have done wrong for her to bring me to a swingers' club?", is what you ask yourself at that point), or desire to share with me an experience that she truly enjoys.

Today I am still unsure. It seems more to be about having fun and nourishing other needs.

She even says she enjoys going without doing anything. Just watching, going around.

It also seem we have different references in the matter of swingers' clubs. One of my friends is born in a family who owns one of these. A small one, though not "private". He grew up distributing condoms at the entrance and in the darkness of the basement (now that's what you call an open-minded education). I see a part of these clubs like these: small places, with normal people going at it with other partners.

G. apparently sees them in a quite different light. In the same glamorous light that you see them in TV shows, like in Nip/Tuck and the likes. Rich, glamorous places, with mostly gorgeous people with lots of money and big cars. A part of me is not surprised - she does some pretty high-level escorting, I guess the worlds collide - , and the other is a little. Isn't restricting your vision to this fooling yourself? Or maybe I think too much again and this is just a matter of terminology. You have high-level escorts or whatever you call them, so you probably have high-end swingers' clubs.

So she likes going there just to watch, and occasionally tap on a stranger's shoulder to ask him in a feline and implicit wave of the hand or wink if he or she wants to join her somewhere, or join a group.

She said if I am scared, we could just go there and watch, there's a very famous and hip club in our area. I said I'd go with her as I don't mind and we'd see how it goes, that I was not opposed to anything.

I guess I just had trouble seeing where to draw the line, like most of the couples that hire her services, somehow. Though in my case the "line" does not even relate to another individual, but only to my own personal dual-beings: the one that is open-minded and doesn't care and the one that thinks there maybe are some things that, though not utterly incorrect, are too confusing.

So we went. And it was a great night. It was indeed a club of second sort, the glamorous type. A mix of "Nip/Tuck" and "Eyes Wide Shut" decorum (without the masks, fortunately. *That* I would have found
creepy :-)). And it was quite an enjoyable experience. Like I expected, the "rules" just being different here, as they are replaced by other explicit and implicit rules, it brings a completely new approach to sexuality.

You don't mind watching, being watched.

People don't judge. Don't laugh at one's look, moves, moans. Or if they feel like doing it, they just turn their back to hide a smirk and move to another room. And if you want more (relative) privacy, you move to a private room.

And people come on to you for that purely sexual attraction, invite you to a dance, and more.

It was a great night. We watched, have been watched. While we were having sex together or with other people. Together or separated.

And ever since we go there once in a while, for these little moments of pleasure, which appear like highlighted under a dual-colored light: enchanted by the decorum and situation, and disenchanted by the simplicity of the rules and the acts. As if the spectrum of colors was filtered to at the same point present to you this place and time as the most primal and the most sensitive. For a moment where jealousy has no effect, and lust is king.

I have no idea why I started writing about this today, to come back and recall memories of our first swingers' night together. Probably because it is a part of our past, and it's what defines both her and myself. Like her I have no idea if these events define us more than we do them because of who we are. What is the causality and the finality.

I guess I just wanted to share. That was a bit random, I expect lots of people to judge us when they read this, and take a stand by our side or turning us down in flames. That's why it's here. Like there are no indiscrete questions, only indiscrete answers, there cannot be wrong opiniated judgments. I'm just thinking a lot about the past lately, how a tiny thing in a chain of events could have made lots of things different than what they are now.


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My Girlfriend is an Escort

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