My Easy Nature  

Posted by H in

Lately I've been reading a lot of blogs and news clips dealing with escorting and prostitution, and talking to people in the same situation as me.

Also, I received some private comments of people wondering what makes me capable of accepting my life with G. Some seem to think I am in a state of deep and constant unhappiness. I really do not see it this way (and hope dearly that I am not fooling myself. No one should ever be as proud as to think he or she is above anything).

I think I am really happy with our situation, and that we found each other. That's actually something we say to each other quite often. We are happy to have met each other, out of all people.

This is a super-cheesy line with extra cream on the top, but I can't think of a better reason for my well-being, and this is probably one element of response that defines why some of us apparently don't see the negative angle of our status.

I know there probably isn't a stereotype of the escort-boyfriend, but it seems like we all have something in common. At least the ones who stick with them.

We are just easy-going. That's a very simple way of putting it, but it's what comes out of what I've been researching lately.

Of course I didn't go around submitting a survey to people asking them to answer multiple choices and such, but I've been around and asked what people think of their own situation, and how it makes them feel.

In general the answers are always the same... They are all OK with their girlfriends doing the job. No apparent sign of strong jealousy, for instance.

Of course, all my interlocutors were not all in the exact same situation. The answers varied a little depending on how long they've been together, if she'd been doing the job before, and on their marital situation too.

There's actually an interesting curve here. The ones who are only at the beginning of their relationship with their escort-girlfriend, or who just learned of their activities, usually take it relatively well (again, I am of course talking here only about the ones who didn't directly run away and stick with them), but are really worried about future implications.

The ones who've been with them for a longer time are simply not concerned any more. They take it as a fact. They don't see it as a threat any more, they don't see it as a potential embarrassment. If they still have doubts about how their relationship is going to evolve, they don't think this "thing" will interfere anyways anymore. And the more certain they are about where they are going, the more confident they are with this state of things. The more relaxed they are about the situation, and the less anger or sadness they feel about it. That actually bugs me a little too. One the one hand I think it's a good thing because they obviously deal with the thing really well. On the other hand, isn't there a problem in forgetting the feelings that are at stake here ? Maybe there isn't if the girl is completely confident about it too, and thinks of going on forever (and I've never come across any long-running escort so far, though it might be the case, and it definitely happens with other sex-related professions). But if she's not, I think it means you are letting her down a little, unconsciously.

And then I noticed something weird. The ones who are committed to each other, by a legal or religious corpus, suddenly seem to have more troubles. Of course it would be easy to see her the narrowed mindset of people driven by the morals of a religious group, thinking this state of things cannot be deemed acceptable any more once a holy union has been sealed. However I don't think that this is the biggest point. Like I said, people with a legal-only commitment fall under this category too. The commitment is apparently the deal-breaker here.

The fact that both parts of the couple realize at once that they both *want* to commit to each other makes them abandon the principles or reasons or means that were safeguarding the situation from being seen under an evil angle. Suddenly, the partners feel uncomfortable about the whole business. Though everything doesn't still break apart. They just cope with it with more problems than they used do. Because, within this framework of durability they both built, they see again one tiny glimmer of danger for their stability in the background. As if committing was a step-back from the previous stage.

This is quite weird. Interesting too, but a bit scary for people who might wonder how things are going to be. G. and I aren't over-committed (yet). We just take things as they come and go, but definitely don't think of a future without one another. Though rationality makes it a possibility. We are probably in this frozen time frame where young couples (as in: newly formed, though not that new, but still new enough. without 15 years of history behind them. and not as in: 16 years old or anything. This can probably apply at 30 something or 40 something onwards) can't think of themselves separated but don't necessarily picture the future with both parties on the wall.

Anyway, back to my earlier subject. The common point between all my surveyed "escort-partners" are just they need to be supportive, and also a really easy-going nature. We apparently all go through a load of crap and devious ways where our ears are ringing of the screams and cries of our respective sweethearts. And we all realize one thing: if another one was doing this to us, we would just call it quits because it is just too demanding and too hard. So what makes it worth it in these cases ?

I hear idiots saying timidly in the background "amazing sex, maybe" ? That's a part of the equation, it is a pleasant factor, and no it is not related to their jobs.

I think we just all have a strange attraction for pain. Not for our own pain, but for others'. We just want to help. And whereas getting that much shit from another person would drive us crazy because there's no particular reason for it, or not a decent and valid one, with them it just means there is some understanding from our side that they just have been through more than we know. And that it is somehow sort of implied that we have to take some of it, shut up, and get on with it. Even if it's harder than what it is.

Some people say relationships should never be hard. Internally maybe not, but that would mean dismissing all the other external factors.

I am not really giving me a tap on back here and saying these people or me are godsends or saints. But really, sometimes I realize if it weren't for G., I'd just run away from this mess. And I don't mean her situation. I mean the changing mood, the constantly agressive attitude when she comes back from her work or when I come back from mine. That sort of things.

Seriously, most of the time I just come home, and her first words to me are a complain, and if it's not it would easily sound as one.

But fine, most of the time I just take it all in, breathe, acquiesce, and change the subject. If I had a miserable day myself, however, it's already much harder to take all that crap, because I just didn't do anything to deserve it.

I don't take much pride in doing this, nor do I think I'm being really good at it. Maybe it's just a pure coincidence that these escorts ended up finding these guys, who can just accept the situation. This is normal and common. A subset of humanity finding a compatible subset. Why should it be different than finding someone with the same tastes, or the same political views ? Here it's just a matter of complementarity.

We just happen to be people capable of thinking "she's doing all this for a reason, and she'll be my reason to take what's left and clean up the mess". We're just easy-going, probably close to being push-overs sometime, and just don't care about it.

People think I've no self-esteem. They're right.

I just have a profound disgust for proud people.

The funny thing, lots of escorts have loads of them as a simple and understandable reaction of people looking at them with no respect and telling them they've got no self-respect. I guess here's your balance.

And I happen to have self-esteem. Just not a high one. I don't have a high esteem of myself. I don't have a good esteem of myself. I have a specific level of esteem. That's what self-esteem means anyway: you know what you're worth. And there's no need for superlatives for this.

I'm an idiot and I'm happy.


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