My Comments on Your Insecurities  

Posted by H in ,

Continuing my series of thoughts on things I've been browsing and reading lately, I wanted to comment on a few "cries for help" of people who just discovered their girlfriends are/were/could be/want to be escorts.

I can't say much about the last category. G. quits the job from time to time and goes back to it. It doesn't really mean she wants it. It means she wants the money. Or the sex itself, but the job itself... no. It has perks, it has a shitload of drawbacks too (if you don't see them, you need to contact a therapist to re-center your social context).

About the ones who think their girlfriends (or relatives) *could be* escorts, well there's also not much I can offer to them...

Just check. Like I said in my very first post, you have of course the gut-wrenching feeling of being an horrible person for even suggesting a person might be doing this... If she or he isn't. And you indeed messed up miserably if this scenario unfolds, but that can be fixed at some points. Or not, but there is no irreparable damage. OK if she was your girlfriend and she leaves you because that meant you had no trust in her, well guess what, she was just right. You guessed and were wrong. Now you know, she's gone, go on with your lives on your own.
Maybe you'll be back together later. Or not. There's no perfect story.

If he or she does, well you're dead on, and you can move on and see what to do. Of course, like I also said in another post, you'll set free the plagues hidden inside the Pandora's Box. Not for your partner, who'll have someone to finally talk to about it, but for you, as you might not be able to deal with the truth as well as you wanted to learn it. But still, it's a progress, and if it breaks, it just breaks.

About the ones who are dating or thinking of dating ex-escorts, get over it. It's done, stop being so insecure and if you are interested in them, how would that matter ? Sure it might be against some of your principles, if might be against your philosophy, your moral, or anything else that itches you. But maybe he or she changed.

Well maybe they also didn't. Same. If it breaks, it just has to break. Life is not meant to hurt, we're not meant to suffer, but there's no law saying thou won't feel a thing. When the doctor says something like that, it's an accepted by-law (at least if you've already been to the doctor or tricked by that lie once) that it *might* indeed hurt, and that it actually *probably* will. Similarly, I think you've all been hurt before if you're already reading it, so you shouldn't and won't get fooled again (here's to Mr Townsend) by that pitiful misconception of a great blue sky.

About the ones who are dating escorts, welcome to the club.
Feels great, doesn't it ?

Well, not so much everyday. Anyway, how's that working out for you ?

Take a deep breath, kick off your shoes. You'll have to deal with your insecurities. That's what we're here for. Here we go.

1) Your girlfriend is not necessarily a sex addict.

No. Just no. She probably enjoys it though (what do you think ??!), but can you blame her ? You probably do too.

2) Your girlfriend does have a moral and self-esteem.

Maybe not ones you can understand so far, but she does. There are reasons for this. Maybe you just don't see them, understand them, or accept them. Whatever of those 3 it might be, it's an issue. I'd recommend to address it fast.

3) Your are not the one in trouble here.

If you think you are, think again ("moron !", may I add ? No I wouldn't, I understand your problems, but I just want to shake you up a little. I'll be gentle).

She's the one dealing with this, and she's been long (or not, but whatever) before you. So she probably has some more experience to deal with this than you do (or not, again...).

She's the one who just gave out one of her biggest secrets to you. Or you uncovered it, but the consequence is pretty much the same anyway. She's the one at risk of loosing the most. What do *you* risk ? People pointing and laughing at you because you are dating an escort, a sex-worker ? Well if you are an ass, you can just walk-away saying you didn't know. Minor setback, honest mistake. Run away like a coward, leave her hanging, and you'll be fine. People will just be able to have a good petty laugh at you. Those are even stupider than you'd be in that case.

If you're not you stick with her, admit it, and you might appear to be a decent guy, maybe just dating someone possibly really kinky (they're just jealous, really), making heaps of money (jealousy again), with maybe some ethical issues pointing their noses at the front door, but that can get cleared up at some point, right ? Do your own damage control. For her, the damage is to loose family, friends, business, career goals, kids, the respect of half the world, and maybe her own as all this will make her realize she maybe did messed up when she got herself into this. Are you that blind that you can't see your problem is nothing here ?

Stop googling for things like "my girlfriend is an escort" (no wait, just keep doing this! and tell us how it's going! And without kinky details and names, please), "is my girlfriend a prostitute", and just sit back and think: "so what ?".

I'll give you this, I did it. I googled, not to know if she was one though. I actually started googling about things related to this matter after I learnt it from her. But maybe if I hadn't gotten her to tell me I would have. But I wouldn't think it's a good thing. That's just looking for a confirmation that there's something right or wrong about it, or a magic formula that for you it might have side-effects or not. Well there isn't. It's just here, the bunny is out of the magician's hat, and it's not pink and fluffy and cute, it's just a
freaking normal bunny. And it might have pooped in the magician's hat. Don't look for do's and don't's, for a good versus evil analysis.
Just go with the flow, and see where it goes. You won't see if it's good for you and her until you give it a shot.

OK that post had a somewhat dry and sarcastic take, and too many edgy parts where I was just trying to poke at you... Just give me a break, I'm having fun on vacation, I'm happy and silly.

What I'm saying still counts though.


My girlfriend was an escort. I (peruvian) met her in a colombian night club. She quited the job for good.

However, sometimes my mind gets flooded with images, scenarios and acts that I imagine were part of her life. When that happens (very frequently actually), I feel like crap and lose control of my life (can't study, etc...)

I'm sure she won't mate for money anymore. It's the memories of past what annoys me.

Anyways, even though I've been with very "decent" girls before, but with this girl I am 100% compatible. She's not the whore type, she's quite young, joyful and cute.

What do you think?

As long as you don't dump your insecurities on her doorstep and you are trying to overcome them then it is alright to feel that way. On the other hand what if she does become an escort again? Can you deal with your own insecurities because they aren't hers. Sex has nothing to do with love, and if you think it does I would hate to see what transpires between you and family members.

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My Girlfriend is an Escort

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