Her Addictions and Rejections  

Posted by H in ,

A recurrent topic when it comes to the world of escorting, from what G. tells me and from what I can see from other girls' blogs, is the question of the addictions.

Plural, yes.
There are more than one, and all can be combined non-exclusively.

Addiction to sex.
Addiction to submission.
Addiction to domination.
Addiction to power.
Addiction to money.
Addiction to the lifestyle and the scene.

The addiction to sex is fairly obvious. It even has chemical foundations after all (Thanks to your endorphins and other little hormones). It might vary in strength depending on the subject, though. In G.'s case, well, she's seriously hung up on it, though she doesn't feel the need to jump on anyone passing by. But boy, she surely has a crazy sex-drive, and the thing is when she takes a break from escorting once in a while, I have to really escape from the bedroom crawling like a snake every single morning if I want to make it on time at work. And pretty much the same in the evening, if I want to get more than 3 hours of sleep. I swear it already crosses my mind to give *her* sleeping pills so that I could sleep myself.

The addiction to submission might sound obvious to idiots; to the ones who think all escorts like people telling them things like "take it all, ya biatch", "I want to spread your *ss with my huge c*ck and f*ck your mouth", also the very classic "you like that, huh ?" and sweet nothings of the sort.
(Yes, I'm not into dirty talk. Was that not obvious ?)

Yeah well, everyone has favorite games and fantasies; once in a while that might be fun, but on a daily (hourly ?) basis, I think we can assume the general acceptance amongst the girls would be "Thanks, but no thanks", and if you can refrain, please do so.

It is actually more sneaky. They might not like it for what it makes them look-like, or for the way (some of) their clients picture them. But they get simply "used" to this. That's an horrible thought. Where I would have thought at the beginning of my relationship with G. that she might not want to bring her "job" home - and I was definitely happy that way - it appears she actually want her private life to sometime be more like her job.

I don't mind in the end, role-play is not my thing at all and I am not that type of guy, but this is withing my boundaries to just rough it up a little.
I just wonder if it goes further with other people...

The addiction to domination is of course the pendant to the previous one. Whether this is a conscious mimetic or not, you also get used to this position. It's natural after all: something that is funny within a universe is probably as funny in another one. It's normal you want to keep it in both. Let's not loose too much time on this one and go on.

The addiction to power, not to be confused with the addiction to domination, characterizes both the power-trip you get of knowing you are somehow in control of the cravings of your clients. They might be the one paying, but they are still paying to get *you*.

They think you are an element of society they're taking advantage of (or having fair-trade with, depending on the persons and your opinion). Actually, deep-down, the escort might be the puppet-master. Don't get me wrong: I wouldn't dare say that escorting is the creation of the escorts themselves. Prostitutes are not at the foundation of prostitution. But there is an inversion of control here. Like a CEO can get sent back to his quarters in a board meeting if he doesn't pay attention to the recommendations of his lower-level advisors, the pimp and the client simply need the girls (or boys; you get the idea).

This addiction to power comes also from very satisfying feeling. A feeling that you better wish you have, because some don't. It depends how you've been caught up in this. Some girls are not as lucky and simply get really forced into this, but let's consider that I focus here on higer-level escorting, though I care about all levels of the pyramid in general).

This feeling is the one of knowing you are doing this thing, that some judge wonderful, some the most horrible thing, and that you *chose* to do it. May it be good or wrong, you took the responsibility for it.

I am actually really proud of G. Her profession is not the one I'd wish for her, and though she might have had other options (but I wasn't here and cannot judge), her decision and courage in this are impressive. Of course there are ethical problems (I wouldn't deliver a medal to anyone sending someone to death, even though taking this sort of decision requires some sort of courage too...), but they are not show-stoppers in this matter.
They are part of the decision-taking.

This feeling is dangerous, as you easily get prisoner of its control. You end up thinking you are better than others *because* of this. You might well be better than half the world, but it would be *inspite* of that.

Finally, the power-trip is also driven by the usual suspects. Money and social networking, which easily send invitations to other regular members of the party: cocaine, ecstasy or others drugs.

The escort business relies heavily on the corporate image of the agencies, and on the personal image of the escorts. Networking, be it internal (between the sex-workers) or external (by mingling with the clients and regulars), is a huge part of it.

I can't remember the last time G. went out and came home drunk or baked and actually *paid* for any of those. Not that it matters that much too me, I wouldn't like her paying for drugs anyway. But somehow the fact that she gets it for free is even worse, as it is one less control on its usage. It also means she is more or less obliged to her providers, and cannot refuse these offers. Or at least not too often. But I digress, maybe I'll come back to this topic later in another post.

The thing is, lots of escorts rely on a really impressive network, composed of other escorts (present and past co-workers with whom they have direct contact, remote colleagues to share bad punters' lists with and so on...), a whirlpool of agencies' and brothels' managers, and an even bigger sub-network of present and past-regulars.

The power you get out of this is hard to grasp, and surely hard to let go. It can also severely bite you in your delicate parts, and leave pretty deep scars, which may never leave... The ones one the other side of the network also have power, and losing trust gives penalties to both parties.

Finally, this addiction to power is indirectly the source of an addiction to the general escorting scene, or party scene for that matter if you are involved in a lot of out-going appointments with regulars. But if you look at it, this is not only a constant in this business, and this is pretty much the case for any kind of position (More on this take later on this post, with a slightly different approach).

However, the addictions are not the only part of the equation.

Some are more rejections than addictions though, and sometimes, when an escort wants to call it quits, it is like looking from the other side of the mirror. The addictions don't necessarily draw her back to the escort business: the rejections she feels towards her from the other world are more than enough for this.

Rejection by her friends and relatives.
Rejection by her co-workers.
Rejection by other beings for that matter.

Rejection of a 9-17 schedule.
Rejection of a less than 300 bucks hourly rate.
Rejection of another authority.

A very strange thing, is that part of this rejection is also due to the the constraint of having to provide service to other people within a working environment. Considering escorting is also a service, it hardly looks like adapting to another service-industry would be hard. It is the same general rule. Someone orders, you give. Or someone shouts commands, and you respond. Well, it just is hard. Because it's one you did not necessarily choose.

The girls who went into escorting did it for various reasons, but ultimately the final decision to step over the fence was (for the most part) theirs.

Whereas when they get back to the "normal" world (this is not only my word, as most of them call their jobs "a normal job" or a "daytime" job), they were paradoxically drawn to it non only by their own desire, but above all by the rejection they feel from others.

I find the irony of this situation at the same time utterly depressing and fascinating. Depressing because the vicious circle is... well... vicious. In all possible ways. Fascinating, because this is apparently, from my personal experience and from what I've read online, a common pattern. This spiral of self-rejection is reproduced in many occasions. And not only in the context of escorting actually. Dear reader, look back just for a sec to see if this pattern wouldn't apply to yourself. The reasons and contexts might be different, but replace the rejection of other people-spheres because of the nature of your job by another pretext (their higher social level, their different tastes...), the rejections by your own disgusts (rejection of unethical jobs, rejection of corporate barriers...), and the addictions by your own pet thieves (are you a workoholic ? a mad
geek within your own field ? a dominant little manager ? a cocaine-addicted trader ?).

It all looks pretty much the same to me.

Still, then why am I more depressed about her addictions and rejections than about mine ?

Maybe I'm just part of the system myself, or I get it all wrong.

Or maybe, even though I know the internal workings of this and how it compares to other situations, I cannot fully accept them, or at least not the way it fits in our society.
Still not too sure about this.


Rejecting them before they reject you -- wow, a powerful idea, and I absolutely agree that you have it right, probably for many escorts and certainly for people, like me, who find themselves in more marginal jobs despite being qualified for higher-paying traditional careers. Very interesting!

Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you find it interesting.

This is indeed a pretty sad state of affairs. Though sometimes I think there might a counter-effect: G. has some friends who tried to get out of escorting and had difficulties to find a job and considered it unfair to not get the job they wanted/expected.

But the thing is, and having talked to them (before I knew they were also escorts), they were a bit disconnected from the reality and had lost touch over the years with the hard reality of recruiting.

It's difficult to not set your expectations to hard and not overestimate yourself, and at the same time it is not at all in your best interest to undersell yourself.

And considering they were escorts, underselling is definitely something they don't, and they have troubles coping with the "normal" rates.

It's just hard, and it takes time, patience, effort, and persistence. Resilience, even, maybe. And faith, if you are into this side of the picture.

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