My Acceptance  

Posted by H in ,

How do you deal with the fact that your girlfriend is an escort ? That she makes money by fucking other people ? Or, if you prefer and as far as preference can go in that matter, by letting other people fuck her?

Well it comes down to how you consider the act of prostitution in the first place. As I discussed in previous posts (My Views on Prostitution and Her Views on Prostitution), and though G. and I do not always have exactly the same position, we do agree on this one thing: it is not completely ugly, as long as it's not directly and indirectly forced, and at the condition that rules are edited by the actual people selling - or more exactly, leasing - their bodies and skills and not enforced by the agencies. As long as it can be conducted in a safe environment, both from a mental, physical and hygienic point of view.

Of course, as I do not really play the role of Guardian Angel while G. is out doing her job and don't follow her to watch over her and won't sit in the room where she will service and am not really allowed in her office, I have no real idea of the conditions and their application, except for her own word. She suffices me enough, as a matter of trust, like I will explain in a later post (My Jealousy).

I can accept her job as long as she doesn't risk anything. That's the very first thing. Her safety is what comes first for me. If you don't have safety, you don't know what might happen.

My second concern of them all, is of course her happiness. Pretty far fetched, some might say, considering her job title. Not necessarily. Though it isn't her case, some people suffer an addiction to sex, and such jobs and their likes are a moderate evil as a therapy to treat them (either as a customer or as the service provider, which rejoins our views about it not always being completely wrong). Sex is a basic need, which can be controlled by most people, and not that easily by other. It is also a personal a desire, and an activity which can have you relieve a lot of your troubles. In this figure, it acts merely as a fail-safe. In which case they might end up doing this job without any hard feelings. That's why I am not necessarily jealous when people look at G., and why I wouldn't even be stricly opposed to her dating other people and us being in an open relationship. This is something we discussed together and our views are shared on this issue. However, I digress, I'll write posts about our views on polygamy or open relationships another time (My Views on Polygamy, Her Views on Polygamy & Our Open Relationship), and the matter of the jealousy will be addressed in another post like I said earlier (My Jealousy).

Back to the topic. I accept her having sex with other people because it is a professional activity, a mean to an end, for her to keep her independence. Sure my position (and hers) my change in (a not so far away) future, when we have been together for more time. In which case I'll update my posts or share new thoughts on this. But for the moment, we agree that we cannot take our relationship for granted, and personal specifics of her life make it necessary for her to be able to get a certain amount of money at very specific times, and that I cannot always provide. Because she has to stay independent, and because, well, I don't make enough cash for the moment. Though if I did, I'd be glad to share it with her and avoid this to her; and if it weren't for her need of independence. And I actually try my best for this to change.

Therefore I am OK with this situation as long as the benefits for her overrule the cons. As long as she ends up satisfied of the outcomes, and that they overshadow a definite disgust for what she does.

Yes, of course, she is sometimes disgusted by her doing and this industry. Even though, like I said, we agree on some aspects of such a business; if it's ethically - as far as ethics can go in this dirty basket - and driven; or that it might be a necessity for some people; or that it can be a mutual profit. Though no one would consider the latter to happen this often.

She's mostly disgusted by what the agency imposes her to do. Having her hair done, buying new clothes, mind-fucking the customer before going for the real thing. Like for all jobs, there is a social context. And I'm sure it requires quite cold-blood or control to be able to switch off your brain and leave behind your own mood swings and just smile for the cliche picture dictated by the "shut-up, laugh-on-demand and sit-and-look-pretty/sexy" archetypes.

On the other hand, this very same control allows you to switch on and off during the act itself to not focus on what's happening if you don't really care about it, and let your mind wonder about other things. G. told me she actually does that a lot. It might sound like directly taken from a movie, where the escort would keep on reading her book or think of her groceries for the dinner while some guy is going at it on her and not caring. Well, something of the sort.

She confesses she rarely has pleasure with her customers. It happened a few times though. It can be because she was, back then, in a good place this very day and just looking for pleasure itself and no feelings. Or because a customer is atypical and more careful of her needs than his (or hers). Or because the customer just manages to do a terrific job and actually manage to turn her on against her own initial desire. Reportedly, the latter happened to her once, which she thought was kind of scary. I can understand, because it proves that your body with all its chemical inner workings and nerves, can override your brain. Though it doesn't surprise me, I have to admit the idea is not really enticing.

That the agency forces her to be another person is mostly what she hates the most about the job, more that the concept of prostitution or the sexual doings. The latter are of her own will, in a way, whereas the former are an enforced "by-law". Of course, one could argue that as long as she decides to get into this business, it means she accepts both. But it depends on the agency, and it depends on the manager, and you might get ready to give out your body for a few hours without being willing to sell out your spirit, soul and personality as a free bonus. And also those things can be expensive, so if it pushes beyond the line of the normal care-taking of one-self and reaches pure superficiality and perfectionism, it definitely can be hassle. Though of course, she would tell herself that it is also what makes an escort good at what she does, and demarks her from another one. The perfectionism in the act, making people at ease, providing a "good service" (like she says), and carrying out a good image to attract customers or turn them into regulars and have the word-of-mouth do the rest.

That's quite an important condition. That her disgust doesn't take over. That it doesn't become to hard to play the game. To act. Imagine an actor having to act on demand. Though an actor can produce and convey an image on request, according to a script, and detach himself, partly or totally, from its natural essence, usually he also has the nice luxury of being told so in advance. He gets a script and a schedule. Whereas working as an escort can be demanding, as you have to be in the office for some hours, or be on call, or a mix of both. And I only consider the world of escort agencies, without going into the ones of prostitution houses or of girls walking errant on the strip.

The last main concern is her privacy and image. I am concerned about this too. I am concerned that this part of her past and present my affect her future. Both personally, and professionally. There is
always the eternal question all these sex-workers think about, as well as their customers. Do your kids know ? Would you tell them ? Or your friends ?

Though, knowing a few of her escort girlfriends (as in girl [insert space here] friends, for the side of English speakers reading me out there, though you could have been right with the other interpretation), I can tell some of them raise kids and have told them, or haven't. And both can work out fine, or at least at the beginning, and then it would be just a matter of the kids to have the acceptance of their parents past. It can't be undone anyway. Some are married and their husbands know and they still keep working as escorts. Some even have kids who end up doing the same job later. Though I wouldn't like it, well I guess at least you know what your kids (I mean, once they're grown up of course!) are doing and that they do it in a responsible and safe way, with respect for the same concerns as the ones I detail here).

But I am concerned that if you want to change your life, or if it's a temporary thing (and the escort position is not one you keep forever), it might be a bit of a problem. Try to explain this to your future employer during an interview. Or to cover up for a few years of employment in various agencies, which look as a black hole on your resume, and for which you can produce pay-slips, but without be able to account for the job you've done, or doing it at the risk of being severely judged and cast away. Life is not so easy.

Hell I meet people everyday who cannot even cope with *me* dating here, so I guess they would never understand her doing it or having done it in the past. They just consider it plain wrong and won't review this angle.

So I wonder of these consequences, and I want her to work responsibly and knowing that she has to preserve privacy.

These are all my worries about her and the personal conditions for my own peace of mind. Though I would agree that it's a matter of personality and that it surely doesn't reflect everybody's opinion.

I'd be curious to hear testimony here or on the newsgroup of other people.

If you are or were an escort or someone dating/living with one, what is your own perception of this.
If you are in the latter category, do you fully accept her job, or is it something that you just cope with matter-of-factly ? Or something you totally reject ?
And if you are in the former category, how did people deal with the news once their where in the know of your occupation ?


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My Girlfriend is an Escort

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